Dolcevita wrote:Hi... Not too sure how this thing works!
New to this, looking for advice on all things turkish... (stupidly let myself fall for a turkish guy... Why?!)
Most of the other forums seem to be full of nutters to be honest, but you ladies seem to say it how it is and have a good sense of humour!
Hopefully i can learn some pearls of wisdom from your experiences!
Hi Dolcevita
Unusual name you've chosen! Most women obsessed with Turkey choose a Turkish nickname - something along the lines of MarmiBabe or Musti's Girl? haha Not that I'm implying you're obsessed with Turkey, of course!
Anyway.....welcome to the site!
One thing.....if you know you're stupid for allowing yourself to fall for a Turkish guy, why are you seeking advice on all things Turkish?!
It sounds as though you think this Turkish man is trouble, otherwise you wouldn't feel stupid for falling for him : so what are you actually asking us to say to you? You have asked "why" did you fall for him - only YOU can answer that one, I'm afraid. What I can tell you going by my experience over the years, having read thousands of women's stories, and personally knowing women who have fallen for a Turkish man who deep down they've known is wrong for them, is that although the men have invariably turned out to be rats, the women themselves usually have issues of their own - albeit of a different kind to the man's.
Not each and every Turkish man is vile or a user, but those that are will sniff out the vulnerable women a mile off. And you'd be amazed at how many vulnerable women there are out there.......
You'd also be amazed at how many women - after having been teated like dirt by a Turkish rat - will seek out another Turkish rat to repeat the process all over again. They're suckers for punishment and have dreadfully low self esteem. Of course, they'll dress their relationships up and make excuses for the man's appalling conduct of them, and they'll turn a blind eye to all the warning signs he throws out. These women are experts at the art of self-delusion, and when they write about their 'fantastic love stories' on numpty sites full of other vulnerable women who find it hard to meet a man on their doorstep, they never, ever tell the whole story....the reason for that is they don't want to burst their own little deluded bubble. Deep down they know they're being used, and that the man is only after money, visa, passport, sex, blah, blah, blah...but a part of their fragile damaged ego is able to ignore all that and carry on the pretence that it's the love story of the century.
Most of these relationships (if you can call them that) fall by the wayside in the first year or so, whilst others can last years and years. I actually think the ones that last years (say, 5, 6, 7) are the most damaging of all. After all, you can't get time back can you? Lots of these men marry foreign women in order to better their lives - certainly not because they love them - in most cases they don't even fancy them. That's why so many of them fish for women off the internet - they don't care if she's an unsuitable age, fat, ugly or has bad breath - they just want a visa, marriage, money and a good CV. You'll also find these men will usually target women who are past child-bearing age, or they'll tell the woman they don't yet want children.......
It's all very sad really.
To avoid thinking about their loveless, barren marriages or unions, they'll devote all their thinking time dwelling on other women's stories - or learning as much as they can about Turkish culture - anything to stop having to face up to their own real life crap.
It is sad wen you see women obsessed with Turkey, pathetically believing that if they learn how to speak a few Turkish phrases and learn how to cook a few Turkish dishes - Musti, Fatih or Ozzie will somehow fall madly and passionately in love with them...
Any woman (if she was desperate enough) could snuff out her own identity and adopt all those strange Turkish mannerisms.... think, read and breathe Turkey all day every day.....cook only Turkish dishes......watch Turkish TV...read long boring Turkish-themed books.....and depending on how one sees themselves they'll either buy a belly-dancing outfit and in private will try and perfect a sexy little bellydance while listening to Tarkan's Kiss Kiss (even if they're a short fat dumpling with a thick wobbly waist) or they'll go the other way and walk around with a headscarf and start acting all Islamic...but however hard they try to emulate a Turkish person - they'll never be Turkish - and more importantly - however many Turkish phrases they learn or however many Turkish dishes they perfect - none of that will make the man fall in love with them.
You could spend all day scrubbing behind the fridge, and then just before 'Turkish hubby' comes in you could could dress up all Turkish style, get the cay on the stove along with some pilav and beans, and then start discussing the Koran with him while you tended to his needs..........but STILL he won't fall in love with you!! Falling in love is to do with chemistry - and there's no recipe for that.
I'm sure if your Turkish man started coming over all British and began learning about Shakespeare and coming out with Shakespearean quotes you'd think he was either nuts or up to something! Especially is he started reading The Bible! Or watching old films featuring clips of Winston Churchill.....
But back to your original question : what advice can we give you on all things Turkish?
I personally can't give you that much advice about its culture - but there's plenty of books you'll find in the library that could do that for you. Of course, I know a little of its culture (I lived there on and off for just 2 years) and I have been with my Turkish partner for over 8 years, but he is very westernised and I don't really see him as Turkish. I just see him as him. Of course, there are some elemants to his character (due to his Turkish upbringing) that are slightly different to the average Brit - but because I'm so used to him I don't really notice them. I suppose that's all part and parcel of being very close with someone.......they don't seem different or strange to you.
I've gone on somewhat haven't I?!
So what's your story, Dolcevita?
Strawbs