GLORIA'S POST - MOVED FROM MEMBERS' INTRODUCTIONS

Gloria78

Posts: 4
Points: 4
Reputation: 0
Join date: 2011-08-17



Advice required

Post Gloria78 Yesterday at 16:01
+
----
-
Hi I posted on the members board but I fear it may have been overlooked so decided to start a new post here just in case. I'm living in Lancashire and have three Kids but things are hard for me, I suffer with Depression. I have good days and bad days , on the good days I feel I could take on the world and my new Turkish man has created a feeling in me I never thought possible. I have done a lot of browsing and reading up on Turkish men and the reputations of them, it worries me. He has never asked me for money and he paid for everything when I was out there with him, I don't think he earns much money but he seemed able to pay for meals and taxis no problem. He is working in Kusadasi where we met and we keep in contact on a daily basis, he calls me then I phone him back as I found a cheap rate phone system which has been a godsend. Last night I tried to call him as I had been waiting for his call all night long but it was switched off (I think) it kept going to a Turkish speaking automatic voicemail and then an English one to say he was unavailable. I have been worried sick about this as he still hasn't been in touch and I don't know what to do. T feel very depressed today and just pray nothing has happened to him or that he has been playing me, I don't think he would do that but who can say? I don't know what to think. Do I just wait for him to get in touch with me or if I call him will he know it's me even if his phone is switched off? I just don't know what to think.

Gloria

I think you need to be careful hun, try not to let him get to you. I know it can be hard but you will get through it. If he has gone awol its not a good sign have you heard anything from him since?

Pol

I'm sorry I posted on the wrong board, I'm new to forums so forgive me if I post in the wrong section, I will get the knack soon. Thank you for putting my post in the correct place. I am trying to be careful Pollypecker but I like him so much so it makes it hard to keep my feet on the ground. I still haven't heard from him and did against my better judgement ring him several times today but his phone goes straight to voice message. I just don't know what to do. He has never done anything to make me doubt him so I can't understand why he has fallen off the face of the earth. It worries me. I did ring his work number but the man who answered could not speak any English and I had no idea what he said to me.

Gloria

Hi Gloria,

I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner, but I only noticed your post today - and I have been really busy - so have not had time to reply to you. I also wanted to give your post special attention.

I am really sorry to hear about your health problems, things must have been very tough for you, indeed. I think it's very brave of you to come forward and to be so open about your situation, but if you don't mind me suggesting this - I think the less you say about your personal details (where you live, your children etc) the better. Lots of people read this site and you need to keep your privacy safe - especially that of your children. Please don't start feeling anxious about that - you haven't divulged too much - so no-one will be able to identify you, but do bear it in mind for future posts.

I am sure you're getting all the professional help and support you need for your health issues, and may I ask if you are seeing a therapist? If you are, have you told them about this Turkish man you've met? If you haven't, it may be good idea to speak to them about him.

Going by what you've said so far, it's quite likely that this man is 'a player' as you put it - many Turkish men are, unfortunately. They're opportunists. But what you need to remember - if he is playing you - it isn't anything to do with you personally - he will be doing the exact same thing to lots of other women, too. I know you're probably feeling rejected and confused, and that's perfectly normal. It sounds like this man brought some sunshine into your life, and now you feel it's been snatched away from you.

If this man is 'playing you' it's a cruel, mean and nasty thing to do, specially to someone who - if you don't mind me saying - is vulnerable and in need of affection. I think you would agree with me on that? However good he made you feel while you were with him on holiday - do you really want someone like him in your life? It's still very, very early days yet - so you don't know him well enough to assess what he's really like as a person. It's very easy to be charming, romantic and caring when in a romantic setting, but he's not acting like that now, and that isn't a good sign at all. I doubt very much that anything untoward has happened to him; it sounds very much as though he's switched his phone off - which is a typical Turkish loverat trait. I think it's ingrained in them - rather than say what they have to say on the phone - they'd sooner just switch it off. That is mean, cowardly and immature - do you really want a person like that around you? Always wondering if he's going to vanish into thin air for no reason?

I don't want to be harsh, but unless something has happened to him, he could get in touch with you. Unless a person is in a coma - they can always find ways of making contact. Of course, he may have contacted you by now, and maybe come up with an explanation. I'll not say too much more right now, as I don't know the latest, but let us know what's happening and we'll go on from there.

And remember - try not to let him overtake your thoughts. Try to keep yourself occupied if you can, and if he hasn't been in touch with you I'm sure these feelings you have for him will just fade away......

Let us know what's happened.

And take lots of care of yourself.....

Strawbs

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me and advise me. I have gone through it in my head over and over again and can't make sense of it, I read what you said over and over and it makes sense but I feel so brokenhearted. I know it must look stupid for an adult woman to fall in pieces over a holiday romance but it felt so much stronger than a summer love affair, I had one of those when I was 17 and never felt like this. Do you think feelings get deeper as you get older, why do I miss him so much? We just spent 14 days of my life together but I feel like I've lost my world. I haven't heard from him and I'm ashamed to say I tried calling him at his work for the 5th time this afternoon but the man there just speaks in Turkish. I am sure he knows who I am, I said my name very clearly and kept repeating xxxxxx name and he does know him, I know he does but he kept saying *xxxx no here* but that's all I understood. I had a feeling he was lying but that could be my imagination, who knows? I don't know which way to turn. I even looked at flights and thought I would go over there and see him, leave my kids with my mam, they stay with my folks a lot so it wouldn't be too much trouble for them but I don't want to turn up in Kusadasi and find him with another woman. Then I think to myself what if he's hurt and in hospital and can't contact me? If he is badly injured he couldn't contact me could he? He rides a moped and never wears a helmet and he drives so fast, I have horrible visions going through my head that he careered off the road somewhere into bushes or over a cliff. If only I knew what was going on. I feel so worried and depressed.

Gloria

Hi Gloria,

Sorry I didn't get back sooner. I really think you should try to forget this man - he's not making you happy is he? The time you spent with him in Turkey may have been wonderful, but as with most holiday romances they fade very quickly. I don't know if this man is a rat, but it doesn't look good - that's for sure.

I doubt anything has happened to him, and even if it had, he would have your number stored in his phone - so you would have received either a call ot text message from one of his relatives to tell you something had happened. They would have contacted everyone on his list.

In all honesty, it sounds to me as though he's lost interest (which can happen whether you're a rat or not) and instead of letting you know in a kind way, he's just gone into hiding. This is a typical Turkish trait - and something I can never understand. And they don't just do it when they want to end a relationship, they do it to friends, too - friends they're upset with for some reason. Or business associates - they give them the 'silent treatment'. I think it's just a Turkish trait - which you of all people really do not need.

You're searching for normality and happiness, and Turks in general can be very volatile and tricky - even when they're genuine. So to be with one who isn't genuine is really not worth the headache. What is it about him that you like so much? I know when you go on holiday, and you're relaxed, feeling happy and have all the sunshine and sea etc - it lowers your defences and you probably do things you wouldn't normally do back at home. I would guess all the sunshine and romantic setting added to your feelings of happiness. I bet if you met this man in your local kebab shop you wouldn't have the same attraction for him. I guarantee it.

You need to keep things in perspective, too. You have known him for SUCH a short time, and you don't really know what he's like as a person. Whilst you were on holiday he would have been on his best behaviour - he could be a totally different person to that man on holiday. In fact, you could find that you don't really like him at all - you're just got caught up in the escapism of the whole thing - and he's been a distraction for you - and unwittingly helped you with your problems. By thinking about him all the time, you haven't had to dwell on your problems. Lots of women on these sites do that - they meet a Turkish man and become totally obsesseed with him - it's almost like a therapy for them (except they don't realise it) They will spend ALL DAY AND NIGHT concentrating on how to get him a visa, and this can carry on for, say, a year. They think, talk and breathe 'visa applications' - but along the way - they've probably forgotten what their 'askim' even smells like. I know I've rambled a bit, and gone slightly off-topic, but I think you will get the picture. I hope so, anyway.

Please don't think I'm not being sympathetic, but you have to try and put the whole thing into proportion. He is a very tiny part of your life - as you said youself - just 14 days of your life. He's not important enough to you for you to break your heart over him.

Let me know how you're getting on, and if you do feel really bad, phone a friend or your family and speak to them - I'm sure they'll be supportive.

Take care

Strawbs

Thank you for your advice, it's nice to know you are listening to me and understanding me. I just really want to know why he hasn't been back in contact with me, our last conversation was nice and happy, he gave me no signals he was going off me which confuses me even more. He has never spoken about a visa , it's never been mentioned so the possibility he wants one from me is not something that's entered my head. We talked so freely and from heart to heart, I know he was telling me the truth when he spoke about his life. I don't want to say what he told me but I admired him for being open with me and that is why I am puzzled. He didn't have to open up to me and he didn't have to say to me the things he did, you must see why I'm confused.

We spent some lovely nights and days togetether and he never displayed any signs he was insincere. I have taken your advice and I haven't tried contacting him today but I did try since my last post and got the same man on the phone who kept speaking in Turkish and saying xxxxx was not there. If something happened to him would he say that to protect me? I don't know what to do or what way to turn.

Gloria

Hi Gloria

I really think you should take on board what Strawbs has said, these men are very good at having women fall for them, they usually have 2 simm cards or 2 mobiles, and when they are with one of the regular women they switch simm cards or mobiles, when the woman goes home they switch back, and will probably get back in touch using any excuse why their phone was switched off.
The most popular excuse is they have been in an accident and in hospital or a death in the family.

I hope you can get over this man, try to look on it as a great holiday with a bit of romance and start to plan exciting things you can do in the here and now..Good luck to you x

Hi Gloria

I think you have been given some very sound advice, this guy is making you unhappy and ill. Turkish men are crafty and a lot of them are cunning by not asking for money, phones, visas etc, they come out with rubbish like 'I dont want to live in UK, I love my country'. And if you believe that, then the tooth fairy is still in existence. They are brilliant actors and would easily win an Oscar for their performances of ripping women off without them even knowing it.

Believe me, your health and dignity is worth more than this man and you deserve so much better.

You take good care of yourself and wash this man out of your hair. You sound a lovely person and Mr Right will come into your life when the time is right.

Ruby

I go along with what everyone else said....forget him Gloria....he is rat....he switched his phone off coz he has a woman with him and your calls will disrupt him and spoil his plans for his future. His boss knows who you are and he can speak a bit of English..he just makes out he cant. I've seen it heard it 10000000000s of times love....I know its not what you wanna hear but better you get out now then a year down the road when hes sapped you of all your strength. Get rid!

Thank you everyone for listening to me and understanding me, it's nice to know people take me seriously and don't laugh at me. Everyone else I know has been telling me to grow up and snap out of it, that he was only a holiday romance and I attached too much importance to it but they don't know how it was or wha I feel. It's easy for people to say these things when they're not emotionally involved. All of you have given me some really good advice and I have thought it over and over and I know you are all saying this for my best.

I am still in the same place and hard as I try I can't get him out my head. You can guess his phone is still switched off, no surprise there. I am starting to feel like he used me as his plaything. I will be open with you and admit we did have sex and he was so tender and loving, even told me he loved me, that was just a lie then? Why do they do this? Why has he broken my heart? I can't get my head round it and feel like I'm falling to bits. I am trying to keep a grip on myself but my head is swimming and I can feel my heart pumping in my chest and my ears feel like they have a pulse inside them. I've never had this feeling before, I think it's stress getting to me, it's not like normal panic attacks. All I want is an explanation why he told me he loved me, had sex with me, and has now cut me out of his life. It doesn't add up to me. I'm hearing what you say about Turksish men having more than one woman and more than one phone but if he has more than one phone why isn't he using them both? It doesn't make sense? I want to scream. This has seriously done me in.

Gloria