New ... here is my story

I stayed in Taksim but did a lot of sightseeing throughout Istanbul. I want to go back and see the places I missed - Bursa, Ephesus, etc.

Some updates:

His ga ga fan is checking me out on Linkedin - I locked up facebook, etc. but I'm looking for work so I had to make this public. You can see who is looking at your profile and her name popped up. She can't find out much about me but I don't like it. I don't want any part of this drama. She's welcome to him. But obviously a seed was planted in her head.

I am taking baby steps and telling my friends what happened. I realized that I made bad decisions but that doesn't mean he had the right to treat me the way he did. My guy friends have been great - men just call it the way they see it without the sugar coating or emotions. Sometimes female friends unintentionally lead you down the wrong path because they want you to feel better (not you ladies!!!).

I had briefly posted a picture of me and the Twit but now I'm posting one of me being happy in Turkey without him. The hotel I was staying asked me to be in some pictures for their website. I'm readjusting my way of thinking!

Hi Curly,

Ooooh! His ga-ga fan sounds like she's becoming obsessed with you, too! I wonder why she's keeping tabs on you if she thinks you and he are no longer in contact? It sounds like she has deep insecurities....

Your point about your male friends telling you how it is - THAT IS SO TRUE!! Male friends never sugar-coat anything, and they often have better insight into other men's way of thinking than we do - so they really are the ones to ask! It's also true that friends do try to protect our feelings, and so don't always really tell you what they truly think.

It isn't easy being brutal and harsh when telling a person (a stranger on the Internet at that...) that you think they're acting foolishly, or that you think their man is a rat. Women don't want to hear that, and will often bite back and accuse you of being twisted, bitter and jealous. Sometimes you feel like giving up, and you ask yourself why you bother (after all - their choices aren't going to affect YOUR life!) but sometimes someone comes along who does appreciate good, honest advice - and when you can almost see how they're lifting up out of their gloom and sadness - it makes it worthwhile.

By the way, like the picture of you making pide or lahmacun! I'll fancy one of those today, now!

Strawbs

I don't like the fact that she is checking up on me. Someone who lives her life so publicly will go over the top to keep him interested in her. If he cut her off or if he in any way changed the way he speaks with her, she is going to blame me for it. I know she can't physically harm me and she doesn't have access to any of my social media accounts, but I don't want any part of her drama with him.

I was telling a guy friend my whole story and afterwards he said the guy sounds awful and he wanted to know what he did to make me like him so much. I told him about the happy times we shared together and he stopped me. He said "this is the problem." If I can rattle these moments off so easily, it is because they were few and far between. He said if he asked me to name the times the guy made me upset, sad, anxious or insecure we'd be here all day because that was how I usually felt with him. Happy and secure should be the default feelings, not the exception.

The guy also said I should think about this: Judas didn't care if he was caught by me or any of the other women. After the first set of women called him out, he didn't change his ways. He still friends all the women he is playing. He still lets them post comments on his wall. I found this other woman because he made no effort to hide her. He doesn't want anything from any us except entertainment. If he wanted a green card or money, he would have been a tad more careful.

You know, he always told me he wants something serious and he wants children yet he in no way is getting his life together to achieve those things. I'm sure in his line of work he meets many women and he works with many women. Why isn't he dating them? What is he hiding.

When we met in the US, it took him several dates to tell me he had to go back to Turkey in a few months. Why did he try to start something with me if he knew it would be hard? I also wonder what he says to the women from other countries to get them to start up with him while he is in Turkey and they are thousands of miles away and NEVER met him before. I guess either they come to see him and have sex with him, then he turns on them. Or they get bored and move on. Either way, he wins and hasn't had to do much.

.

Hi Curly

What Strawbs has wrote in her post number 102 is spot on.

Your post today looks as though you are still giving too much time and consideration as to what he is up to, what his motives are etc etc. You are best concentrating on YOU. Try your hardest to put him out of your mind, stop dwelling on what you believe his motives are, after all, it will not change anything, he is a rat and will always be a rat.

Stay positive, put your mind into producing something positive for YOU. Forget about the 'if only', its over and now in the past, keep these thoughts in the past and start looking towards the future. In ten years from now, if you continue to dwell on this twat, you will have lost ten good years of your life, why not start now living for you. Close your FB for now, stop tormenting yourself over obsessing who is posting on his wall. FB is EVIL and has caused so many deaths and so much pain and misery for people.

Hope your next post is all about you Curly. Get a T.Shirt 'Its All About Me', I got one of these when I was in Wallmart, if was a Tinkerbell T.Shirt and if I ever feel like giving it large, I wear it and its a constant reminder.

Ruby

Ruby, you are the best! I've been coming clean with the people in my life, which is kinda a step backwards for the present because it puts him back into my mind. But the GOOD news is I've taken some steps to get the life I want. I am pursuing a certificate to teach English as a Second Language to business people. I'm not sure where it will take me but it's something I've been wanting to do for awhile. I also updated my online dating profile. I'm taking baby steps with that but it's there when I'm ready.

You are so right about Facebook. I'm not on it nearly as much as I used to be. It should never take the place of real relationships.

Hey guys ... remember that former friend and roommate I told you about? Well ... I wrote to her and just came out and asked her what happened with them. You aren't going to believe this - well, maybe you will - he came out one day and told he he loved her and wanted to marry her, etc. For a full year she talked to him almost every day - and not just him. Sometimes she talked to his entire family or he'd talk to hers. He sent her hand written love letters. Keep in mind, this was all going on while he was telling me he loved me.

So, remember how I told you she went to see him and something happened? At the time I thought she was visiting him as a friend. NO! She stayed with him and his family for two months. They treated her like she was his fiance. His mother showed her how to cook him his favorite meals. They asked her if she wanted children. They talked about their future.

So she leaves Turkey thinking this is the beginning of her life with him ...

SHE NEVER HEARS FROM HIM AGAIN!!!!

She honestly thought he was dead or injured for months. She had his family's phone number and she'd leave them desperate messages in Turkish (she is Turkish-American) but nothing. Eventually she realized he was not dead .. but you can imagine the pain this poor woman went through. Before they fell in love, they were best friends for two years. Her family knew and loved him.

She was so happy to hear from me because for over a year, she blamed herself for what happened. That she could cause the man she loved and her best friend to just leave her without a word.

I am shaking with anger over how he treated her. She is the sweetest, kindest person in the world - and smart and funny too. She had a really hard life - which he knew about - and he used this to take advantage of her. What a sick, sick man he is. I wish I could warn every woman in the world about him. She said his family is so nice and normal. But could that have been an act too?

I dont get it Curly....she knew you was seeing him all that time so why didnt she tell you she was as well?........sounds strange.....

Sorry for the confusion! She didn't know ... She just thought he and I were friends. We didn't talk about him really. I thought it was rude to become friends with someone because you wanted to find out more about a guy. We are also both private people.

You know, I'm reading what I typed and I'm sure judas knew we were both private so he felt comfortable playing us at the same time. Or maybe he relished the thought of a cyber cat fight . Who the hell knows? But what I do know is that I escaped from a very cruel person who could have hurt me more than he did. I have officially stopped crying over him and I have forgiven myself for believing his lies. Would it be ok if I invited my friend to join us here? I think her story could help others.

This is getting stranger than a Pork sausage in a synagogue!

^^^^

Love that! I definitely believe he is a sociopath. I mean, the three of us had video chats. He knew we knew each other. But I knew they were best friends so I didn't think twice when she went to see him. The really odd thing is he unfriended her and her entire family on Facebook while she was still in turkey with him - I guess he didn't want to chance any of them spilling the true nature of her visit.


I wish I could warn every woman he is playing but he is so charming and seemingly normal that you can't believe he is capable of it. Maybe I should just turn it into a made for tv movie and make millions.

Hi Curly

If you were to attempt to warn the women this nut was playing with, they would not believe you, they would think you were jealous or wanted him back. I am afraid that they must learn to hard way, just like you and your friend. As Mrs Turtle once wrote 'whats for you wont pass you by' ha ha.

Ruby

So true ruby! I just wish karma or Lorenna Bobbitt would get their hands on him.

Curly

Give it time girl, time, you must be patient, these things have a way of resolving themselves naturally without you having to do anything. Believe me, I know what I am talking about.

I am happy that you are feeling so much more positive with your life.

Ruby

hyatum wrote:This is getting stranger than a Pork sausage in a synagogue!

Hi Nicks, How did you think that one up, I nearly PML, and no Strawbs, I dont have a weak bladder

Ruby

hyatum wrote:This is getting stranger than a Pork sausage in a synagogue!

Haha! I like that one!



Strawbs

curlyboop wrote:Sorry for the confusion! She didn't know ... She just thought he and I were friends. We didn't talk about him really. I thought it was rude to become friends with someone because you wanted to find out more about a guy. We are also both private people.

You know, I'm reading what I typed and I'm sure judas knew we were both private so he felt comfortable playing us at the same time. Or maybe he relished the thought of a cyber cat fight . Who the hell knows? But what I do know is that I escaped from a very cruel person who could have hurt me more than he did. I have officially stopped crying over him and I have forgiven myself for believing his lies. Would it be ok if I invited my friend to join us here? I think her story could help others.

Hi Curly,

Of course you can invite the other woman over here!

It sounds like he enjoys living close to the edge......

But the most likely scenario is that he got a kick out of seeing you both chatting together, whilst being in the dark about each other's relationship with him.

Vile, inadequate man.

Strawbs

Thanks strawbs! I hope she does come because she has been bottling this up inside her for over a year and is just now dealing with feelings of being betrayed. I also realized how lucky I am because I found you ladies and you talked me through this. Thank you so very much!

I think we should invite Judas too, then we will have 'three in a bed' just kidding Curly, I am caught up with your mad moment Actually we could present him with his 30 shekels of silver (to the teeth) and then deliver him with our usual vitriolic prose. Actually the best way to have revenge is just be so damm happy Curly! Throw a massive party and invite everybody on your fb to come to it or worse go and shag his brother. Sorry I did not mean that I have not recovered from black wednesday.....This might be the last time I can say anything I want to as the SA government are 'Muzzling' the people and the Press. Mind you it did not work too well in Libya, Egypt, Yemen and Tunisia or even Syria so why would it work in Black Eyed Peas land???

Exit to the tune of 'The monkeys are coming hooray, hoooray' or 'He went into the jungle where all the monkeys throw nuts'

Nicks

curlyboop wrote:Thanks strawbs! I hope she does come because she has been bottling this up inside her for over a year and is just now dealing with feelings of being betrayed. I also realized how lucky I am because I found you ladies and you talked me through this. Thank you so very much!

Is she coming over Curly?I hope she does we can try and help her she sounds like she needs the support.

Maria

Hi Maria,

I invited her and I hope she comes. She has having wild mood swings - one minute feeling light and happy she finally has closure, and the next getting sad or angry when she realizes what her former best friend/boyfriend did to her.

When you aren't a miserable, cruel person, it's hard to understand people who are - you think everyone has empathy and comes from a place of goodness. You can't comprehend how someone can say they love you one second, then toss you aside the next. I think for most of us - healthy people at least - even if our feelings aren't rational, they aren't meant to do harm. Many times we just reflect back what we are shown.

curlyboop wrote:Hi Maria,

I invited her and I hope she comes. She has having wild mood swings - one minute feeling light and happy she finally has closure, and the next getting sad or angry when she realizes what her former best friend/boyfriend did to her.

When you aren't a miserable, cruel person, it's hard to understand people who are - you think everyone has empathy and comes from a place of goodness. You can't comprehend how someone can say they love you one second, then toss you aside the next. I think for most of us - healthy people at least - even if our feelings aren't rational, they aren't meant to do harm. Many times we just reflect back what we are shown.

Hiya Curly

The best reflection is that you and your friend finally found out what an arse this Turd is and always will be. He will never change. Your friend needs to get a grip just like you did, come onto this site and she will be given great advice from all the lovely members on here. Wild mood swings and punishing herself is not going to bring her closure. Advise her to join asap.

Ruby

curlyboop wrote:Ruby, you are the best! I've been coming clean with the people in my life, which is kinda a step backwards for the present because it puts him back into my mind. But the GOOD news is I've taken some steps to get the life I want. I am pursuing a certificate to teach English as a Second Language to business people. I'm not sure where it will take me but it's something I've been wanting to do for awhile. I also updated my online dating profile. I'm taking baby steps with that but it's there when I'm ready.

You are so right about Facebook. I'm not on it nearly as much as I used to be. It should never take the place of real relationships.

Hi Curly,

I'm glad to hear you're moving forward.

I agree with Ruby about Facebook (and the Internet itself) - so many people spend far too much time on there and it's sooooooo unhealthy. On top of that, the Internet is crawling with socially-petrified nutters who are too scared or abnormal to live in the real world, so the more time you spend online the more chance you've got of being fished by a nutter or having an obsessive start stalking you.

I bet you and this woman are just the tip of the iceberg where this man is concerned.

Strawbs

curlyboop wrote:Hi Maria,

I invited her and I hope she comes. She has having wild mood swings - one minute feeling light and happy she finally has closure, and the next getting sad or angry when she realizes what her former best friend/boyfriend did to her.

When you aren't a miserable, cruel person, it's hard to understand people who are - you think everyone has empathy and comes from a place of goodness. You can't comprehend how someone can say they love you one second, then toss you aside the next. I think for most of us - healthy people at least - even if our feelings aren't rational, they aren't meant to do harm. Many times we just reflect back what we are shown.

Hi again, Curly,

It seems this whole thing has affected this woman quite profoundly if she's now having wild mood swings. Maybe it would be a good idea if she were to go and see her GP? I'm no doctor, but wild mood swings can be sign of a depressive illness and may be nothing to do with this man at all. I'm not suggesting she's mentally ill, but it's something that should be ruled out. She could even be hormonal.

I kind of understand what you mean about people not wanting to see bad in anyone (I have an aunt like that) but even the most loving, kindest people in the world should realise that there are some very nasty and twisted people in the world. It is sad, I know, but it's a fact of life.

So for that reason you should always watch out for any signs of abnormality when you meet someone new. Another very important thing to remember is that the ones who seem very nice, sweet and syrupy may actually be evil beneath that saccharine veneer. It's a bit like the saying 'the quiet ones are the worst'.....

I'm not saying all people who seem sweet and nice are secretly vile, but vile people will play the sweet syrupy game to gain your trust. Honest, normal people show you all sides to their character - you see them on their good days, bad days, funny days, sad days - they never come across robotically pleasant all the time. If they do, then you know they're faking it.

Strawbs

Thats true mood swings can be proof of depression or stress so she should get herself checked out asap Curly. x

Maria

It seems this whole thing has affected this woman quite profoundly if she's now having wild mood swings. Maybe it would be a good idea if she were to go and see her GP? I'm no doctor, but wild mood swings can be sign of a depressive illness and may be nothing to do with this man at all. I'm not suggesting she's mentally ill, but it's something that should be ruled out. She could even be hormonal.

I agree with you ladies that she does need some sort of help, maybe even therapy. The biggest tragedy I think is that because her family knew him and loved him, they basically blamed her for driving him away. So for all this time she numbed herself to what happened, which I'm sure is no good for one's mental health.

I kind of understand what you mean about people not wanting to see bad in anyone (I have an aunt like that) but even the most loving, kindest people in the world should realise that there are some very nasty and twisted people in the world. It is sad, I know, but it's a fact of life.

So for that reason you should always watch out for any signs of abnormality when you meet someone new. Another very important thing to remember is that the ones who seem very nice, sweet and syrupy may actually be evil beneath that saccharine veneer. It's a bit like the saying 'the quiet ones are the worst'.....

I'm not saying all people who seem sweet and nice are secretly vile, but vile people will play the sweet syrupy game to gain your trust. Honest, normal people show you all sides to their character - you see them on their good days, bad days, funny days, sad days - they never come across robotically pleasant all the time. If they do, then you know they're faking it.

BINGO! From talking to my friend, we realized in the beginning and on our visits, the creep became our versions of the perfect man. For her, heroic, smart and funny. For me, protective, chivalrous and sensitive. It goes back to the old saying that if something is too good to be true ... But I think also in the case of this guy, he also has mental issues, most likely a sociopath/narcissist. He doesn't have any real emotions, he just mimics them because he's learned what works best on women.

I joined this dating site Badoo and I swear every other guy I hear from is Turkish/Turkish-American. What is this strange power I possess?