Amanders Introduction Post (Copied From Members; Board)

Hi Amander,

I've copied your post for you and started a new thread.

Strawbs






Hello...everyone. I'm not sure how to start this, as I've never participated in any internet forums before. But I thought with the subject of Turkish men, it would be beneficial and comforting to connect with others who have Turkish men in their lives. That's what I'm here for.

I'm in my mid twenties and met my Turkish men almost one year ago. We met through fb (I know, I know) but we connected straight away; that's the only way I can describe it. I eventually flew over to Turkey to visit him for the first time in May. This was a nerve wracking step that took months to prepare for :-/ I felt a little...deflated that I was so scared of the first meeting that most people who meet on the internet look forward to so much.

I was so relieved when we met face to face and all my initial fears vanished. We got on like a house on fire and ever since that day we have been inseparable. I did have some personal problems which I'd rather not go into detail on here just yet, but when I discussed them with him one night he was so understanding and caring. He has been a major source of support and strength in that respect. But while I feel understood and supported by him, and I feel he really does understand my personal problems, he cannot relate to them. While he himself has his own troubled background which resulted in him self harming, he doesn't get the debilitating fear I get when remembering my past, and though he tries he can't understand it. He says we should move forward now and he wants us to get married next year and to forget about the past. I love him but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that.

I have one close friend who has taken the time to listen to my concerns about marrying a Turkish man, where as I don't believe my other friends fully grasp the problems than can occur, if reading some of the stories around are anything to go by :-/

I'm a writer and feel more comfortable behind words than I do face to face, which makes it difficult to meet new people, so this here should be ideal for me. I'm hoping this'll be a useful transition into getting to understand Turkish men better and what sort of problems I should truly expect long term. More than anything, I want to connect with others who have been in long term relationships with a Turkish man and to hear all the pros and cons.

Thanks for having me on here :-)

Welcome to the site Amanda

Pipxoxo

Thank you, Philllipa for your warm greeting. I've responded on the other board and shall wait a while before adding more. :-)

Welcome Amandar, glad you found us.

Maria

Welcome Amander.....you sound like your already suffering with this man....is that what you want....is it worth it ...................

Welcome Amanda

You have given enough information in your post for me to advise you to ditch this man and run for the hills, save yourself even more heartache.

You dont know Turkish culture, you met him on the internet, you have had your own personal difficulties and he has self harmed which means he has mental health issues.

In my opinion, move forward by ditching this guy.

Ruby

Admin wrote:
Hi Amander,

I've copied your post for you and started a new thread.

Strawbs






Hello...everyone. I'm not sure how to start this, as I've never participated in any internet forums before. But I thought with the subject of Turkish men, it would be beneficial and comforting to connect with others who have Turkish men in their lives. That's what I'm here for.

I'm in my mid twenties and met my Turkish men almost one year ago. We met through fb (I know, I know) but we connected straight away; that's the only way I can describe it. I eventually flew over to Turkey to visit him for the first time in May. This was a nerve wracking step that took months to prepare for :-/ I felt a little...deflated that I was so scared of the first meeting that most people who meet on the internet look forward to so much.

I was so relieved when we met face to face and all my initial fears vanished. We got on like a house on fire and ever since that day we have been inseparable. I did have some personal problems which I'd rather not go into detail on here just yet, but when I discussed them with him one night he was so understanding and caring. He has been a major source of support and strength in that respect. But while I feel understood and supported by him, and I feel he really does understand my personal problems, he cannot relate to them. While he himself has his own troubled background which resulted in him self harming, he doesn't get the debilitating fear I get when remembering my past, and though he tries he can't understand it. He says we should move forward now and he wants us to get married next year and to forget about the past. I love him but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that.

I have one close friend who has taken the time to listen to my concerns about marrying a Turkish man, where as I don't believe my other friends fully grasp the problems than can occur, if reading some of the stories around are anything to go by :-/

I'm a writer and feel more comfortable behind words than I do face to face, which makes it difficult to meet new people, so this here should be ideal for me. I'm hoping this'll be a useful transition into getting to understand Turkish men better and what sort of problems I should truly expect long term. More than anything, I want to connect with others who have been in long term relationships with a Turkish man and to hear all the pros and cons.

Thanks for having me on here :-)

Hi Amander,

It's strange, but there seems to be quite a few similarities between your story and that of Katrinagem's! Maybe you could contact each other - you seem to have quite a bit in common with regards to self-harming etc. I've already given my thoughts on that on another thread, which you can read there, but suffice to say I don't think it's at all normal!

Can I ask why you want to get involved with a Turkish man? You're obviously aware of all the potential problems that can ensue, so why do you want to make life hard for yourself? Especially when he appears to have issues, which are certainly not going to benefit you with having problems of your own. You often find that if a couple both have problems they can often drag each other down - you need someone who can 'lift' you and inspire you. Someone who can make you feel good happy, secure and confident. Already you're feeling worried about him and your relationship!

I think it's a pity you lead a lonely lifestyle; meeting people on the Internet is not real life, and is no substitute for real life friends and relationships. The Internet is CRAWLING with Turkish men trying to snare a British or American woman, and you need to ask yourself why this man wanted to get to know you in the first place. Why didn't he go looking for a girlfriend on his doorstep?

Think about it............

Strawbs

Funny you said that Strawbs.......I mixed them up as well..........

Hello....again. I've not read many of Katrinagem's posts, but it's comforting to know (though I mean this nicely) that I'm not the only member with a Turkish man who self harms, and reading some of the posts it does appear quite common amongst the Turkish population, especially young men.

I feel a little undermined in a way, as though meeting my man through fb means our relationship is not real. We have spent time together in Turkey, it's not all cyber, so I know him far better than you realise. I never chose to get involved with a Turkish man, he found me - different thing altogether. You don't choose who you fall for and when we met up we clicked immediately, so I don't feel I'm desperate for a Turkish man in any shape or form - it just happened.

I do want to know more about the pros and cons of being with a Turkish man, as I'm in this for the long term.....:-) I want to know what to expect from him, and what Turkish culture is like. I want to know as much as possible really. I hope you don't mind me asking.....

How on earth do you meet someone through FaceBook?

Surely FaceBook is about accepting friend requests from people who you know isn't it? Well, it is in the circles I move in!

I remember a story I read on TL. A woman met a Turkish man through FaceBook. I gather that some random Turk sent her a friend request and she liked the look of him so accepted it. Why anyone would do that is quite beyond me but she did. I would seriously doubt the motives of a man who stalked people on FaceBook and sent them friend requests. It's creepy and disturbing and "fate" doesn't come into it as far as I'm concerned. Anyway, the woman met and married this man within a matter of a few months and, naturally, she claims everything is absolutely marvellous between them. When replying to another member's post about partners sending money to family in Turkey not too long ago however, she let slip that he spends fortunes on his family and that they have had numerous rows about it.

It's not fate that guided that man to her on FaceBook. It was bad luck.

Men who trawl through FaceBook looking for women have a motive in doing so - I think you'll find that romance is the last thing on their minds in reality.

I agree Guveclover, facebook is like shopping in a supermarket, they hunt out the bargains and its free!

Pol

I completely agree with Judith about Two FaceBook. It is a very dangerous tool for the needy and vulnerable who get sent flattering 'friend' requests and then are hooked in like a lamb to the slaughter. This askim of yours is 90% a predator and has almost certainly sent other women 'friend' requests. Its almost like the more vulnerable you are, the more of a magnet you become and attract the attention of these strangers who are well versed in flattery and bullshit.

Amandar, you say that you have met him and spent time together in Turkey and that you 'know him far better than you realise'. Well I dont think you do. You only get to really know someone when you live with them and thats difficult enough when its someone from your own culture, never mind from a different culture and religiion.

You cannot get to grips with the Turkish culture unless you go and live out there for a period of time and experience it first hand.

How on earth can we tell you what you can expect from him? If you dont know despite saying you 'know him' than we cannot possibly advise you.

The best advice I can give you is dont give him any money, gifts, and take it slowly, see how much he is willing to put into this friendship you have. Also think, he may just be using you for a Visa to enhance his own life and that of his family.

Of course this is not what you really want to hear as you admit that you feel a little undermined. It is not my intention whatsoever to undermine you, it is to WARN you of the dangers you could put yourself into should you not take the advice offered. There are numpty sites that would advise you to 'go for it' and 'take a risk', but I could never in a million years offer that advice. I have an extensive knowledge of Turkey and the culture and the advice I am offering you is gained by years of experience.

What makes me angry are the likes of TC where the owner knows only too well what goes on with the Love Rats in Turkey yet fails to advise vulnerable members who obviously have mental health issues to steer clear, instead they and their mods continue to encourage these women by endorsing their attemtps at Turkish recipes etc.

Ruby

Guveclover wrote:How on earth do you meet someone through FaceBook?

Surely FaceBook is about accepting friend requests from people who you know isn't it? Well, it is in the circles I move in!

I remember a story I read on TL. A woman met a Turkish man through FaceBook. I gather that some random Turk sent her a friend request and she liked the look of him so accepted it. Why anyone would do that is quite beyond me but she did. I would seriously doubt the motives of a man who stalked people on FaceBook and sent them friend requests. It's creepy and disturbing and "fate" doesn't come into it as far as I'm concerned. Anyway, the woman met and married this man within a matter of a few months and, naturally, she claims everything is absolutely marvellous between them. When replying to another member's post about partners sending money to family in Turkey not too long ago however, she let slip that he spends fortunes on his family and that they have had numerous rows about it.

It's not fate that guided that man to her on FaceBook. It was bad luck.

Men who trawl through FaceBook looking for women have a motive in doing so - I think you'll find that romance is the last thing on their minds in reality.

Hello...to answer your question....

How on earth do you meet someone through FaceBook?

Surely FaceBook is about accepting friend requests from people who you know isn't it? Well, it is in the circles I move in!


easy! It's a social networking site and you make new friends on there all the time, I don't accept requests from just anyone, I accepted my man because he was introduced to me by another friend who thought we would have something in common. Again I feel I'm being undermined here as though I'm some kind of loser who can only rely on cyber relationships, that's so not true.

I grant you that there could be men out there who are looking for friendships for the wrong reasons, but my man and I aren't just cyber, we have met and spent a whole time together getting to know each other inside out. I feel I know him better than any man I've known before and he opens up to me so much. He tells me everything, he never holds back. We were lucky to have met each other in this giant universe we call cyber world, that had to be fate however you want to view it. What else could it be!

I have asked reasonable enquiring questions about Turkish men and the culture and I feel I'm being met with derision and scorn. I don't understand it, nor do I understand why you're all so different from me!

At the end of the day, if you're happy with what you have then that's all that really matters. Go for it and I wish you all the best with it.

These are just my thoughts...

If I were in your shoes I'd always be wondering why this man was looking to start up relationships with women on Facebook who lived thousands of miles away from him.

If a friend of mine tried to fix me up with a foreign cyber stranger on the internet I'd wonder what they were on. My husband has a couple of lovely single cousins over in Turkey, nice blokes and handsome too, but I'd never dream of trying to fix them up with any single friends I have here. What would be the point of trying to fix someone up with someone who (a) quite possibly doesn't speak your language, or you theirs (b) lives thousands of miles away (c) can't travel to see you without a visa (d)comes from a totally different culture to you.

As Strawberry said on the other thread, it's the goal of most people who embark on internet dating to meet someone they find attractive, with whom they share common interests and who live locally to them so that they can meet and have a full relationship. What on earth motivates people to purposely seek out relationships that are fraught with difficulties from the start? Happening upon one by chance is something quite different.

I've heard women claiming to be introduced to Turkish, or Kurdish men, on Facebook by friends but often these friends are other women who are involved with Turks or Kurds themselves. There are many Turks and Kurds who'll ask their mates if their wives/girlfriends have a friend for them. That's a common ploy. Again, what person in their right mind would want to seek out a girlfriend or boyfriend who they knew they had little chance of meeting and probably couldn't communicate with very easily either? That's before you factor in all the cultural/religious differences, not to mention the huge financial expense of actually getting to meet them if you can manage it and keeping in contact with them generally.

I never wanted to go on holiday to Turkey when I did and had to be cajooled into it. I'd spent a day there once many years before when I was on a school cruise around the Med and I had memories of the creepy, lecherous men selling souvineers at Ephesus. So when I met my husband it caught me completely and utterly off guard. I know that had I not met a Turk face to face, purely by chance, and had the opportunity to spend a fornight spending lots of time with him setting the relationship well and truly in motion and cementing my feelings for him, nothing on earth would have persuaded me to start "dating" a foreign cyber stranger who lived thousands of miles away - no matter how highly recommended he came from friends! It would have seemed like an utterly ridiculous proposition to me. Perhaps that's what makes me different from you.

Good luck.

Amanda you sound hard work, dont take that as a dig its just how you come over, if you dont listen to help and advice you are never gonna be happy who ever you end up with,you are so OTT, you need to relax and stop thinking so much how old are you and how old is your bf? also why did he want to meet you on fb, did he tell you why that was or did your friend say why?

Pol

Hello...where do I start...

right. As fas as meeting through fb goes, welcome to the modern world! Nearly all my fb friends are known to me, true, some I met through fb or through introductions, but like I said, this is 2011! My friend who introduced us suggested it because I'd been discussing certain issues with them and they said they had a friend who would like to talk to me, that's all it was. It was no devious plan for him to escape Turkey!

I'm not saying I don't wish he lived closer to me, but fate brought us together so the geography of our situation is just an obstacle we'll eventually overcome, of that I'm certain! We both feel we were destined to be together, and land and sea will not keep us apart for long. You can mark my words on that.

I hear what you say about the cultural differences, religious aspect and so on, but you all handled it, so what makes you different to me? I seem to be missing something crucial here! You all did the long distance, right? So why can't I? I just don't get it. You can all do it, but I can't!

I'm an adult. I'm 25 and he's 22, 3 years younger but no big shakes. He's mature for his age, vibrant, exciting, gorgeous and has the ability to calm me and soothe me. He's quite a man. I've never met one so amazing as him before, so the distance means nothing to me. He is just hours away.....

I'm insulted by your comment that I sound hard work! Maybe I come across like that in the written word but I can promise you I am not hard work at all! I wish you hadn't said that. I wish too that someone would answer my original question.

I agree with Strawbs here. This Amandar sounds exactly like the other one, Katrinagem. The writing style is almost identical too. Come to think of it, it sounds the same as the other one who has the masturbating problem too.

I don't think this is for real so won't waste any more time on silly wind up merchants.

Amandar wrote:Hello...where do I start...

right. As fas as meeting through fb goes, welcome to the modern world! Nearly all my fb friends are known to me, true, some I met through fb or through introductions, but like I said, this is 2011! My friend who introduced us suggested it because I'd been discussing certain issues with them and they said they had a friend who would like to talk to me, that's all it was. It was no devious plan for him to escape Turkey!

I'm not saying I don't wish he lived closer to me, but fate brought us together so the geography of our situation is just an obstacle we'll eventually overcome, of that I'm certain! We both feel we were destined to be together, and land and sea will not keep us apart for long. You can mark my words on that.

I hear what you say about the cultural differences, religious aspect and so on, but you all handled it, so what makes you different to me? I seem to be missing something crucial here! You all did the long distance, right? So why can't I? I just don't get it. You can all do it, but I can't!



I'm an adult. I'm 25 and he's 22, 3 years younger but no big shakes. He's mature for his age, vibrant, exciting, gorgeous and has the ability to calm me and soothe me. He's quite a man. I've never met one so amazing as him before, so the distance means nothing to me. He is just hours away.....

I'm insulted by your comment that I sound hard work! Maybe I come across like that in the written word but I can promise you I am not hard work at all! I wish you hadn't said that. I wish too that someone would answer my original question.

Amandar

You have been given enough constructive advice here, yet seem to have an answer for everything, so go onto FB, continue with your fantasy and cease wasting our time. In fact, sign up to Ebay you might grab yourself another load of shit off there

Ruby

Guveclover wrote:I agree with Strawbs here. This Amandar sounds exactly like the other one, Katrinagem. The writing style is almost identical too. Come to think of it, it sounds the same as the other one who has the masturbating problem too.

I don't think this is for real so won't waste any more time on silly wind up merchants.

Classy woman! I wonder what YOUR problem is to make you so suspicious and paranoid? Maybe I should take that as a warning sign!

Thanks.

ruby wrote:

Amandar wrote:Hello...where do I start...

right. As fas as meeting through fb goes, welcome to the modern world! Nearly all my fb friends are known to me, true, some I met through fb or through introductions, but like I said, this is 2011! My friend who introduced us suggested it because I'd been discussing certain issues with them and they said they had a friend who would like to talk to me, that's all it was. It was no devious plan for him to escape Turkey!

I'm not saying I don't wish he lived closer to me, but fate brought us together so the geography of our situation is just an obstacle we'll eventually overcome, of that I'm certain! We both feel we were destined to be together, and land and sea will not keep us apart for long. You can mark my words on that.

I hear what you say about the cultural differences, religious aspect and so on, but you all handled it, so what makes you different to me? I seem to be missing something crucial here! You all did the long distance, right? So why can't I? I just don't get it. You can all do it, but I can't!



I'm an adult. I'm 25 and he's 22, 3 years younger but no big shakes. He's mature for his age, vibrant, exciting, gorgeous and has the ability to calm me and soothe me. He's quite a man. I've never met one so amazing as him before, so the distance means nothing to me. He is just hours away.....

I'm insulted by your comment that I sound hard work! Maybe I come across like that in the written word but I can promise you I am not hard work at all! I wish you hadn't said that. I wish too that someone would answer my original question.

Amandar

You have been given enough constructive advice here, yet seem to have an answer for everything, so go onto FB, continue with your fantasy and cease wasting our time. In fact, sign up to Ebay you might grab yourself another load of shit off there

Ruby

How dare you call my probable future husband a load of shit! Another classy bitter woman!

Classy woman! I wonder what YOUR problem is to make you so suspicious and paranoid? Maybe I should take that as a warning sign!

I'm glad I decided not to humour you any more. I was right. You're clearly warped.

Now jog on and think up another user name and made up story to post. What on earth do people like you gain from this?

Amandar wrote:

ruby wrote:

Amandar wrote:Hello...where do I start...

right. As fas as meeting through fb goes, welcome to the modern world! Nearly all my fb friends are known to me, true, some I met through fb or through introductions, but like I said, this is 2011! My friend who introduced us suggested it because I'd been discussing certain issues with them and they said they had a friend who would like to talk to me, that's all it was. It was no devious plan for him to escape Turkey!

I'm not saying I don't wish he lived closer to me, but fate brought us together so the geography of our situation is just an obstacle we'll eventually overcome, of that I'm certain! We both feel we were destined to be together, and land and sea will not keep us apart for long. You can mark my words on that.

I hear what you say about the cultural differences, religious aspect and so on, but you all handled it, so what makes you different to me? I seem to be missing something crucial here! You all did the long distance, right? So why can't I? I just don't get it. You can all do it, but I can't!



I'm an adult. I'm 25 and he's 22, 3 years younger but no big shakes. He's mature for his age, vibrant, exciting, gorgeous and has the ability to calm me and soothe me. He's quite a man. I've never met one so amazing as him before, so the distance means nothing to me. He is just hours away.....

I'm insulted by your comment that I sound hard work! Maybe I come across like that in the written word but I can promise you I am not hard work at all! I wish you hadn't said that. I wish too that someone would answer my original question.

Amandar

You have been given enough constructive advice here, yet seem to have an answer for everything, so go onto FB, continue with your fantasy and cease wasting our time. In fact, sign up to Ebay you might grab yourself another load of shit off there

Ruby

How dare you call my probable future husband a load of shit! Another classy bitter woman!

One thing you aint and that is classy, you are one thick bint and no one with a brain would bid on Ebay for trash like you, now go wind your thick neck in and go back and join the pondlife whence you first emerged from.

Ruby

Shes a stuck up rotten deaf troll if you ask me.

Pol

Hi Amandar,

You seem to keep asking the same question over and over again, despite having been given advice. Therefore, I'm not prepared to waste my time on offering you my views. I'll say this, though : you're clearly not in a normal, happy relationship, so for that reason alone, I would break it of with him. What's the point in dragging it out when you can't even meet up with him on a regular basis? It's madness.

If you're making this whole story up, then all I can say to that is, you must have other kind of issues going on, or you have some kind of agenda. I don't even have the inclination to add any more to this......

Strawbs

Oh, forgot to mention.....

Amanda and the other two members mentioned all have different IP addresses - MILES apart, too. But that doesn't necessarily mean they're not in contact with each other in some way! It's like the lonely fruitbats who have too much time on their hands - they get quite crafty in thinking up ways to bamboozle over the Internet. Take Linzee for example : she used to post from about 3 different computers (the family one; her daughter's, and her son's) and that was without her work computer and her quick trips to the library to use theirs. She even set up a Hotmail account and MSN Messenger using MY username 'Strawberry' without the 'X'. I know THAT - because she forgot to log-out and popped up on my MSN with my username!

So basically, you just don't know who's who on these sites..........

Strawbs