What Constitutes a Long Term Relationship and do I win a prize?

Oh this comment has made me laugh during my awful illness, just take a look at this from TC which is taken from the Baby Name Thread where Ladybird questions preggers 'is this not your child too?'

Part of the response was this:-


'Ladybird- I can see where you are coming from, but we as a couple are honest and speak our mind to each other. That was his standpoint and I honor it. I also told him mine and he understood. Utlimately, we compromised. We are both very happy with the end result. He's made a great deal of sacrifices to be with me (Despite what some people -- and I use that term very loosely -- may think!) and I try to keep that in mind. He had professional career in Istanbul and only came here to improve his English to get a promotion, but he wound up staying. I can't imagine what deciding to leave your country and family must feel like. Especially when his relatives are so wonderful.

Part of the reason why he and I are so strong as a couple is that we don't turn different points of view into standoffs and win/loose situtaions. It takes maturity to see the other person's point of view, but learning to put your ego aside for the benefit of the family goes a long way to ensure mutual peace and harmony.

Some lesser enlightened people may consider that 'subservient,' but anyone in a successful long term realtionship will tell you that to give a little takes a lot more strength.'

So OK, lets have a bit of a poll here on what constitutes a Long Term Relationship shall we? I think I should win the award personally, buts lets see, first of all I was in a 34 year marriage, hey ho, can anyone beat that? My ex husband was my money tree, I took him to the cleaners thats why I stayed with him so long Then one day I had a good look at this balding, ugly freak I had been with for 34 years and thought he's well past his sell by date, his earning potential was coming to an end and I thought, Rubes get rid of 15 stone overnight without even having to diet So I did

Now 34 years is a very long time to be with one person, so why do people spout out when they have been with their so called partner for a couple of years that they have a successful relationship Any relationship can end even after many many years together. Whether that be with a professional or an illegal worker, sacrifices or not.

Can anyone beat my crown?

Rubes

Hi Rubes

I think you deserve a tiara, a wand and a magic carpet! Good on you for getting rid of the excess weight,,,,,and kicking the toad to touch! I 'tink' there is a very stinky pond somewhere, where all the toads are croaking! Karma has a way of catching up to even the most vile amphibia.

Nicks

hyatum wrote:Hi Rubes

I think you deserve a tiara, a wand and a magic carpet! Good on you for getting rid of the excess weight,,,,,and kicking the toad to touch! I 'tink' there is a very stinky pond somewhere, where all the toads are croaking! Karma has a way of catching up to even the most vile amphibia.

Nicks

Hiya Nicks

Well I think most of the members on this site are so much younger than me, after all, being married 34 years some of the gals are not even 34 years of age. Also if you look at the side of my profile you can see me real age and I am due a birthday soon

If anyone else wants the tiara, speak up or forever hold your mouth it will be all mine


Rubes

34 years - wow that is a long term relationship, it makes our 9 years seem like nothing

Ruby looks like you are keeping the tiara:) i managed 15 years and had i not had a cheating ex husband i would still be married to date.Mind you i didnt really want all the crap you get for your silver wedding anniversary and i just look at it that i got out early from my life sentence :)omg just thinking about it i might die before i reach 25 years with this hubby lol xx

Ladies

The point I am making is that it doesnt matter whether you have a short or long relationship. There are no guarantees in life, it makes me laugh to read deluded women who think that because they have been in a relationship for a couple of years that it is as success.

If the truth be known, no one has a perfect relationship, sure some couples celebrate their diamond wedding anniversary, some have been extremely happy together, others have endured it simply because they were too scared to break away from the chains. (Whips and Chains and Ebay )

No relationship is guaranteed, and these smug women who spout the crap about their perfect relationships and marriages are bloody liars in my opinion.

Hayley, you will be like Rose on the Titanic and die in your nice warm bed a very old lady. Do you remember that scene in the film when Jack (was his name Jack?) held Rose in his arms and told her that? I always remember that scene, so romantic

Anyway, where is Strawbs? I want my crown please

Ruby

You're dead right Ruby. No relationship comes with a guarantee of success and all you can do is hope for the best. I don't care how long you've known someone or how long you've been together for, no one ever knows what's going on inside another person's head.

My mum has a very close friend that I call auntie and she married her husband in 1958, when they were both 20 (very common in those days). Just two years ago, after 52 years of what my auntie had always thought to be a very happy marriage, her husband came to her and told her he was leaving her for a woman he'd been having an affair with for a couple of years. This woman was a member of the same bowling club that both my auntie and her husband were members of. At about 62 the "other woman" is a younger model and my auntie was/is still absolutely devastated - not a nice thing to have to deal with at the age of 72! It just goes to show that you can never know what is going on in another person's mind - no matter how long you've known them and how long you've been together. It also goes to show how true the saying is "the only person you can really ever trust is yourself".

Hi Judith,

Sounds like this femme fatale bowled him over. Sorry, I know it's not funny - but I couldn't resist!

I have to say, though, it must be awful for someone of that age and whose been married for over 50 yesrs to suddenly have their husband walk out on them! It's something you just don't expect. I wonder if their sex life had gone out the window years ago, and this other woman reignited his flame?

I do think nature cocked up a bit ('scuse the pun) and as a general rule women tend to lose their sex drive when they get older, while men tend not to. I've often wondered why men can still reproduce in their 80s ( ) whilst women are no longer fertile in their, say, mid 40s - I wonder why nature turned out like that?

Your aunty's case is very sad, but I always say a man won't stray if he's happily narried and devoted to his wife. You would think after all those years together it would have been a terrible wrench for him to leave his wife and hurt her so badly, so there may have been problems in the marriage for a long time, that maybe even your aunty didn't recognise? Then again, maybe they did have a fulfilling and intimate marriage right up until the end?

Still such a terrible shock whatever happened. I wonder if he'll go back to his wife one day? If this other woman is all exciting and wonderful the novelty could well wear off after a while. It might all get too much for him and he'll yearn for his old cosy slippers again.....

Strawbs

Guveclover wrote:You're dead right Ruby. No relationship comes with a guarantee of success and all you can do is hope for the best. I don't care how long you've known someone or how long you've been together for, no one ever knows what's going on inside another person's head.

My mum has a very close friend that I call auntie and she married her husband in 1958, when they were both 20 (very common in those days). Just two years ago, after 52 years of what my auntie had always thought to be a very happy marriage, her husband came to her and told her he was leaving her for a woman he'd been having an affair with for a couple of years. This woman was a member of the same bowling club that both my auntie and her husband were members of. At about 62 the "other woman" is a younger model and my auntie was/is still absolutely devastated - not a nice thing to have to deal with at the age of 72! It just goes to show that you can never know what is going on in another person's mind - no matter how long you've known them and how long you've been together. It also goes to show how true the saying is "the only person you can really ever trust is yourself".

Gosh Judith your post could well describe a distant member of my family. They have been married for about 45 years, she is now very disabled, he is a member of all the local bowling clubs in the area, he is the secretary, tea boy, cleaner, you name it he does itb I always thought he was a bit of a pervert to put it bluntly and I was proved right just before Christmas.

He lives quite near to me and offered to give me a lift to visit my elderly aunt who was in hospital. As the journey covered an 80 mile round trip, I accepted. Anyway, during the trip he never tired of telling me of all his liaisons with other women, including women at the bowling clubs. He also told me that he was a naturist, yuk yuk and that he visits Thailand 2-3 times a year. By the time we arrived at the hospital I was disgusted by this dirty old man. We went to visit my aunt (his step mother) and during the visit I made it very clear that Mr Perv was dropping me off OUTSIDE of my home.

On the return journey he continued to brag about his conquests, I asked him if his wife knew and he replied 'oh yes, our sex life finished years ago due to "wife's' disability she told me to do what I like as long as I dont bring the subject up with her'.

I do feel for your aunt, what an absolute awful shock to discover after 52 years that your husband is having an affair. So sorry to hear that.

Ruby

Ruby, I can't believe you've been married so long! You are a doll! A long relationship for me is when I hang around for breakfast! How d'you like your eggs? Bill

Lets hope she doesnt say fertilized bill

William909 wrote:Ruby, I can't believe you've been married so long! You are a doll! A long relationship for me is when I hang around for breakfast! How d'you like your eggs? Bill

Hayley wrote 'Lets hope she doesnt say fertilized bill '

Your two posts made me burst out laughing. Bill thanks very much for the lovely compliment, its my birthday next week, dont forget to send me some cyber roses now will you?

Ruby