Confused and doubting

I was recommended to come on this board for shoot from the hip advice so excuse me if I change some details, but I want to keep my anonymity, I'm sure you'll all understand. I've been with my boyfriend for getting on for 3 years now, we met in Bodrum when I was passing through on a summer tour. I fell for him hook line and sinker almost straight away, something that was not in my plans. So things started off slowly but fast if you will and we became an item pretty quick considering I was only in Bodrum for 5 days, and we picked up where we left off when I got home to England. Things were really good between us, we spent hours each night chatting and I flew over to see him as often as I could both in Bodrum and eventually Istanbul. I felt like I had found the one, even though I had heard all the stories of failed doomed relationships with Turkish guys. Everything was great until about 7 months back when he told me a fairly big lie. It wasn't a bad lie and I guess I chalked it up to him trying to impress me. Before I continue I need to say that he has been to uni and studied law but during his holidays he worked part time to bring extra money in, he's been supported all his life by his fairly wealthy parents but wanted to make some money of his own. He told me even skilled and trained professionals can find it difficult to find good paying jobs in Turkey and until a good job offer came through he would work in casual jobs so's not to rely on his family. Shortly after he told me that he had been offered a placement as a junior lawyer in Germany and while at first I believed it was true, my friend told me that law varies from country to country and that this didn't sound right to her. I questioned him about it and he said he would be training and learning their law in Germany but he seemed very taken aback when I prodded him. Soon after that he told me the offer had fallen through and never mentioned it again but it's made me start to doubt just about everything he's ever told me. I feel ashamed to admit that I did do a little investigating of my own and his story doesn't seem to add up, but what does concern me is that I know for a fact he was booked on a flight to Germany and had a visa too. Instinct tells me that something is amiss and my gut instinct is petrified that it was actually a woman he was going to see in Germany. I haven't expressed my fears to him in case I'm wrong but I can't think what else he was going to Germany for.

I will not confront him unless I have out and out proof. What do you think he could be up to? Don't worry about being blunt, I'm ready for it but this is hard for me as he means so much to me and I planned my future with him every step of the way.


Thanks for reading.

Hi Lola sounds well worrying to me..........his lied for a reason not to impress you hun.........bet my bottom doller your right about a woman.....sorry if that hurts but thats all I can think of why he lied to you....you need to ask him and thrash it out.....

Hi Lola

A couple of things you've said 'I will not confront him unless I have out and out proof'. Well why not, you have been with him for 3 years so you must have thought you both had a future together and if you cannot have an honest up front conversation with him then there is something very wrong with your relationship anyway. If there is no trust, then there is no relationship.

You have already found him out on a lie, as already said in previous threads, when someone lies one never knows whether they are telling the truth or not. You rightly say that the law is different in other countries, so he would not have been able to practice law in Germany and most certainly would not have been offered a post of junior lawyer.

I suspect there is another woman involved. You need to ask what sort of visa did he have to enter Germany, does he have any family members there? Ask to see his Kimlik, this will tell you whether he is married or not, although a lot of Turks dont bother changing their Kimlik when they marry in order that they can continue cheating throughout the summer season without being suspected of being married.

You also say 'What do you think he could be up to', well really I have outlined my opinion, you know him better than anyone else. I know if I were in your shoes, I would certainly be asking him outright what he is up to, offend or please.

Finally, have you ever given him any money?

Ruby