Please help me!

Sorry Gloria........I agree with Adryath...you have to forget this creep.....hes making your problems worse you sound really unhappy....what is the point?....

Gloria I can see you came on line today so wondering whats the latest, if you went back to your doctor to sort your ears out and other problems? I think you need a lot of help and not sure this man is your main problem? Let us know whats going on, we all want you to get better

Pipxoxo

Strawbs, thank you for taking the time to give me your great insight. I only posted in the first instance to let Gloria know she wasn't alone, and in the second instance to help others who might find themselves in a 'similar' situation who may be similarly confused. I made a conscious decision not to tell the entire situation online for personal reasons, so whilst you are trying so kindly to work out what has gone on, I've not given full details in the first instance, just a brief outline. We had begun a relationship before I left the country - I'm just one of those women who don't sleep with a man when I first know them, strange as that may seem to some! I'm thankful that I didn't!

Regarding the phone message, I'm not that daft but the messages I was receiving at first were very long Turkish messges followed by a quick english couple of words. It didn't add up (I know Turkish words are long and sentences back to front, before anyone tries to tell me that). However, last night I decided to phone late at night after a period of several weeks have gone by and at first I received a different phone message - a very short message in Turkish followed by a very short English message saying the person was on the phone (It was obvious). I tried again 10 minutes later and he answered the phone. He didn't sound delighted to speak to me (I expected that) and then I got a cock and bull story about having been in hospital with a broken leg and only just getting out today. I said I wasn't stupid and he went very silent. He said "have you been trying to phone me then?" (er, yes, that and many text messages which would flood into your phone when you turned it on again after returning back from hospital). Clearly he was so desperate to make contact with me when he 'returned from hospital', concerned that I would be worrying about why I couldn't get hold of him for weeks - NOT. He then went back into previous behaviour of begging me to go and stay with him stuff. Sigh. Then my credit ran out.

So, I've ended it by text. I heard no more. Personally I think he has been with another woman all this time - you don't have to be Sherlock to work that one out.

I've had a lucky escape, even though it was an emotional rollercoaster ride for me personally for a short space of time.

I hope this helps other people, lurkers, etc, who may unfortunately find themselves in a similar situation.

Maria wrote:Hi Mable I agree with all what Strawbs said, its true, tough cookie but true. if he wanted to speak to you he'd be on his phone you like last week, no ifs no buts. his a rat all the flags are flying away and youve had a lucky escape, if you had of gone on with this man and it got deeper and heavier involved you would of ended up loosing more than you know. heart broke, money, you name it you loose it with loverats and he is one, just read the signals theyre all flashing away so dont ignore them. try to think what a rat he is and you will soon forget him hun, promise.

Maria

Thanks for this Maria, you were right! I appreciate your thoughtful reply. Yes, I am glad I now know. That is all I wanted all along, just one reply to a text or a phone call to say he'd changed his mind. But he hadn't really, he was just a player, playing a game, keeping his options open for the quiet winter months when the line of women were drying up.

Sounds like he was having a laugh all along Mable.....a broken leg! ....does he hold his phone with his foot?......... sounds like he was taking you as a right old mug....good job you finally saw through him....at least you never had sex with him...sounds like he never pur pressure on you then? just as well or you would feel worse than you feel now!

Yes, what a joke!

Oh he did try but I told him I didn't sleep with men when I am first in a relationship with them. He told me he respected me for this but it was clear he was struggling with this. Of course, I went home and someone else must have appeared who I can only guess slept with him - so he got a result. I think he was keeping me for those quieter winter months (where not so many women around) as he was begging me to go out and stay with him before January.

Yes, I've had a very lucky escape. I don't think he was necessarily going to pull the money trick later on but I think he was just an older guy who is/has been a player and knows all the tricks, to get sex and company and some fun. Of course, I don't know that he wouldn't have asked for money or hasn't in the past.

I'm just so relieved I didn't sleep with him and now I've managed to make contact at last, so that I can have closure on the situation. Whereas Gloria is unable to get closure and I fully empathise how she is feeling right now. I just hope Gloria you get the strength from somewhere to move on.

Mable,

No problem. I like helping and guiding people, and my thoughts on the situation could be beneficial to other people reading this forum. It may not be a particularly busy forum in respect of people posting, but I can tell you now that an average of about 500 people a day look on this site, so I'm more than happy to offer my advice when I have spare time.

Regarding your own situation, whilst you never directly asked for advice, you did complain about this man and say how his treatment of you had left you feeling angry and distraught - so it's only natural that one of us is going to offer you advice. But if you only give part of the story and withold details - we can't give you appropriate advice can we?

You clearly really liked this man, so I tried to search for a reason as to why he had fallen off the planet - especially when you said how much you wanted to believe this was the start of a real true love relationship - your first one in decades. I think for many women in your position who have been deprived of love for years, it can make them very vulnerable - and I believe you are vulnerable, however much you like to say you're not.

You never had a full relationship with this man in the few weeks you spent together, and so you didn't feel as close to him as you think you did. And you obviously weren't as comfortable with him as you say you were, otherwise you would have been sorely tempted to have slept with him, and had be been crazy about you he would have been trying every seduction technique in the book. As I said before - true chemistry between a couple is overwhelming.

Your sentence:

"We had begun a relationship before I left the country - I'm just one of those women who don't sleep with a man when I first know them, strange as that may seem to some! I'm thankful that I didn't!"



Your relationship with this man was not a full relationship - you were just seeing each other. And you didn't feel comfortable enough with him to have sex with him - so you should ask yourself why. And whilst I agree that it's wrong to hand sex to a man on a silver plate (of course you should make them wait - no respectable woman sleeps with a man straight away) but when you're in a holiday situation and time is of the essence - and the chemistry is overwhelming (as you claim it was) - and you've spent several weeks with them like you did him - then I wouldn't consider you a tart if you'd succumbed to his charms. You're not a young silly girl sleeping around having one-night stands, or having sex on the first date - this was a 'relationship' according to you.

Regarding the automated phone message, the Turkish message says exactly the same as the English message; it's just longer due to the language. You seem almost suspicious about that, Mable? Do you imagine he is changing his messages on account of you? I suspect you're reading far too much into everything, and your intensity could be partly due to him going off you. I know this is slightly off-topic, but I don't understand how your credit run out on your phone when you're in the UK?

Anyway, whatever the reason why he ceased contact with you, the simple fact is - and this is a bitter pill to swallow - he didn't want to speak to you; and going by his reaction when you phoned him is sounds as though he was surprised you called him (he possibly thought you'd forgotten him by now) and as he didn't sound pleased to hear from you it should be clear to you that he's not interested. He probably asked you if you were going over again more out of politeness, so maybe he isn't as nasty as you think he is, he probably felt embarrassed and tried to sound 'keen'. I know it must be rotten and upsetting that this man doesn't fancy you anymore (if he eved did, in fact - he could be a rat - we don't know) but I still can't quite grasp why you're so angry about it. You didn't lose anything, except a dream that never existed in the first place.

Out of interest (I'm sure you won't answer this but I'll ask, anyway!)do you have a minimum amount of hours you have to spend with a man before sleeping with him? For example, you could be in a 'relationship' with a man, but if you only saw them, say, every weekend, and spent approximately 10 hours with them a week, how many weekends would you need to spend with them before you felt it was acceptable to enter into a sexual relationship? Do you do calculate when it's appropriate to set caution to the wind by how many hours you've spent together in total?

Strawberry

About 10 hours for me in total!lol when on holiday and the man is FIT but at home I make him wait a wait a bit longer. FFS on holiday how long you have together before you have sex?

No way first few nights tbh, in the past it was near the end of the first week or second week but I have heard of some women who get the knickers off first night!

Mable I agree with Strawbs, he sounds like hes not very keen so I would scrub his number out and forget him, how long in total did you spend together again? you said you sent weeks together but you never got to know him that well so why was that?

Pipxoxo

Phillipa - yes I'm moving on. Thank you for your reply. Appreciate it.

Strawbs - you've given me the best laugh of the day. Thank you.

Hi Mable,

I'm pleased I've brought a little glimmer of fun into your day, and have helped you to see the situation for what it really is. Laughter is the best medicine, and I'm glad you've managed to tap into your humour gene. I did feel you needed 'lightening up' - and who knows - maybe your Turkish Romeo won't be so fearful of you now! Switching his mobile phone off for a full 3 weeks' sounds to me as though he was feeling scared of you, and it's even possible he dismantled it and took it all apart to be on the safe side - that would explain those very long back to front messages, perhaps?

Another theory, of course, could be that he wrongly assumed you were probably a lesbian. You know how macho and egotistical many of these Turkish men are, and if a woman rejects him, he'll automatically assume she must be a dyke. If you told him you haven't had any love from a man for decades, and you've been visiting Turkey for long stretches each summer, he'll probably be asking himself why no eager Romeo hadn't snapped you up mooooons ago. Deep thinkers some of these Turks! I can see him twiddling his big, bushy moustache while pondering over whether you'll return to Turkey with a bigger moustache than him! (That's providing he has a moustache, of course!)

Anyway, at least you can console yourself with the fact you protected your modesty, and never gave him any hither-to signals. You know, wearing sexy, strappy sandals, a frilly, short mini-skirt and doing the cha-cha for him when he turned up to meet you. I expect you behaved with the uttermost decorum, and it's quite possible he really did break his leg falling off his chair with laughter - remembering what a barrel of laughs you were!

Strawberry

Er, right, thank you for your thoughts. There are some decrepancies in your take of the actual situation or some slight twisting of facts or words to make the situation sound different to how I wrote it or experienced it, but if that is how you to see it, then fair enough.

My intention all along was to let Gloria and anyone else who finds themself in a similar situation to understand they are not alone. Perhaps I am alone, but maybe it will help others.


Thanks.

Er, don't think so, Mable. Your account of what happened is still up on here for all to read.

You met a man on holiday - spent some time together (though it never progressed into a full and proper relationship) - he then asked you to return his calls when you went back to the UK - called you his Angel blah blah blah - and then he vanished. You felt angry about that, and so you posted your story on here in response to Gloria's.

Where's the twisting of FACTS in that?


If you feel embarrassed about it, then don't post about it on the WWW. Easy really.

At first I tried to offer you advice, but you're clearly here for ulterior motives, so I suggest you leave graciously.

Oh, I'll add one other thing for you.

I do INDEED think it's strange and unusual to become ANGRY and DISTRAUGHT over the fact a man has effectively dumped you. It isn't nice, that's true, but you can't expect him to keep in contact with you out of pity. He's obviously not interested in you, and you need to accept that. You said yourself you lost NOTHING out of the short time you spent with him, so you really ought to get a grip on yourself and move on - like he has.

Mabel this is my take on it for what its worth I think you feel angry by this bloke coz he switched off his phone and went in to hiding after telling you was his angel when you rang him, but if you look at it from the other way you only met him 3 weeks before that (dunno how many times you saw him in that time) and you never got together, you wasnt an item you was just friends and then he gave you all the chat on the phone when you got home, and then he stopped taking your calls. I think he sounds a ratty but cos you never was a couple and you never lost nothing, you was just chatting on the phone it sounds a bit far fetched for you to write down your feeling angry and distraught, I am sorry but you hardly know the bloke and you are an older lady,so it is a bit bunnyish the way your reacting.

I am off to take cover now!

Pol

Yawn yawn yawn, this is normal behaviour Mabel, older European woman meets Turd, money, visa, sex, then bye bye. Happens all the time in Turkey.

Ruby

Hi Pol,

I'm not sure about 'Mable' - I suspect she may have some kind of agenda. Whether Mable's story is true or not, the one thing that really does stand out in her writing is - her bitterness.

If you read back through her posts, a deep, nasty undercurrent of bitterness and hatred lurks behind the words. If she's anything in real life like she comes across on here I'm not surprised this man did a vanishing act. She sounds devoid of humour, she's dark, patronising, unpleasant, paranoid, suspicious and vengeful. When she first posted I had doubts about her, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and so offered her my thoughts on the situation; and was helfpul and friendly towards her. But she certainly doesn't like me! lol And I dare say that could be one of the reasons why she joined this site. I'm not stupid. She may think she's clever, but she's not as bright as she thinks she is. She couldn't resist releasing some of her pent-up bile stored up for me when she wrote on the "Horrific Incident" thread, which I'd started about the poor man who got killed:

"Poor man and poor you two. Glad the police didnt try and point the finger at you two!"



Anyone can see what she was getting at there - so she's not as intelligent as she likes to think she is! But what comes through so vividly is her nastiness and bitterness.

She even admitted she was amused by an English single mum falling for the obvious fake charms of a young local worker. What a nasty woman she must be to get enjoyment out of watching a woman about to get her heart broken! That is vile!

I think Mable is a very embittered woman, probably much older than she makes out, and is probably unattractive to men; with a nasty character, too. She doesn't sound like a kind, friendly, fun-loving woman - there's no warmth to her at all. And her supposed reaction to these pathetic 'offers' from local men seems abnormal coming from an experienced older woman whose visited Turkey for many years. You don't need to 'laugh them off' or 'look indignant' - you just IGNORE them. If you IGNORE them you don't need to look 'indignant'! God, I wonder what expressions the bitter prune pulled?!

And much of her story is inconsistent. She implies she's been visiting Turkey each summer 'for years' - for several weeks' at a time - but has only now felt the need to Google up 'Turkish Love Rat Signs'. Oh, please! And anyone with a bit of savvy and sharpness wouldn't need to go into a search engine to determine if a man was genuine or not! If she can't pick up signals face to face - and after spending 3 weeks' together, too - then she must have very poor social and interaction skills. Maybe she spends too much time alone?

She's a middle-aged woman who should have stacks of experience and wisdom under her belt, but here she is, having known a man for just 3 weeks' - they never even had sex - she lost nothing to him - and after a few texts and phone calls when he called her 'Askim' 'Angel' etc and begged her to return in the winter - he then blanked her - and she's now GRIEVING! She doesn't even KNOW the man properly! Yet she's 'wounded, in desperate despair, stunned, can't sleep at night, dying inside, and angry!

She's so full of venom and vitriol because he's decided he doesn't want to speak to her anymore, that she's kind of making herself feel better by wrongly assuming he must be with some trollop! Read her first post and you'll see where she says he must have found "one that will most likely sleep with him"! Who DOES she think she is?! And see how she looks down her nose at other women - she realises it, too, when she wrote THIS patronising statement :


"I don't mean I am better than anyone, as I'm certainly now a fool, but I mean that someone who is usually intelligent has fallen for this, then I can see how all types of women fall for this."


How PATRONISING is that?! And anyone who says "I don't mean I am better than anyone" actually DOES mean they believe that! She's patronising, arrogant, and assumptious. She's also neurotic and suffers from delusions of superiority. And how insulting of her to assume this man can only pull trollops! Why does she think he must be with a trollop?! How does she know he hasn't meant a lovely woman he truly fancies, and has fallen head over in heels in love with her?!

She sits so high up on that horse of hers, that she actually believes some other woman has 'pinched' him from her by simply offering him sex, rather than facing up to the fact that he might just sooner be alone - than be with a miserable boot like her!

And she likes to bang on about how intelligent and highly educated she is; yet it seems she's got a PAYG phone! Well, all that intelligence and good education hasn't been much use to her if she can't afford to pay for a contract telephone! So something doesn't add up does it?

And she bangs on about being an OLD fool, but claims she's in her 40's. Well, I know she probably can't compare herself to the likes of, say, Liz Hurley, Elle McPherson, Claudia Scheiffer etc, but why she feels so OLD seems very strange. I suspect she feels OLD because she's possibly a childless spinster and has missed her chance of motherhood. It's all too late for her, and she has regrets galore. In her deluded dreams she was probably hoping this man would somehow turn back the clock for her - he flattered her and made her feel all youthful, like a youung woman again - and now he's dropped her the reality of her situation has hit her like a ton of bricks.

Finally, to sum her up in one line here's what she said herself:


"I also feel an old fool as there I was snickering at someone else earlier in my trip and yet I ended up in the same, if not worse situation"



See how nasty she is? She was snickering at a woman who probably going to get used, abused and brokenhearted. She found that amusing. Nice! And now she's ANGRY it's rebounded on HER!

Karma.

Strawbs

Strewth........reading it like that Strawbs Mable sounds a right old bunny boiler and I noticed that nasty jibe she had at you and E.....horrible woman.....

I think Mable sounds very depressed and unhappy so thats why she took the rejection so badly coz it was so important to her even tho most people would of seen it as just a holiday romance that never took off. I must admit she sounds angry and thats a bit OTT but you dunno whats going on in her life she might have loads od problems

Pipxoxo

Oh, she won't be replying on here - I banned her - so it's best not to discuss her any further.

Anyway, this thread was about Gloria - until Mable came along and kind of hijacked it (though I'm partly to blame, I guess, in allowing the subject to drift onto Mable)

I notice that Gloria has been on over the weekend, but hasn't posted, so she could be wondering where her thread's gone!lol

I think I'll send her a PM. She sounded a nice woman who genuinely did need help and advice.

Strawbs

Hi Strawbs I tried to reply to the quote as you explained but I can't seem to make it work. Do you want me to reply on here or where? I'm not sure what to do. I need to tell everyone what's happening, I just feel terrible. The situation is the same, still no contact but one light at the end of the tunnell is I think he did try to make contact with me last night! I had a missed call which I never heard even ring, I think it must have just rung once and that's why I never heard it and when I checked it said the number was out of area. Do you think that was him? I have a feeling it was but I haven't had any other calls since. What do you think?

Gloria

I dont think it shows up as out of area Gloria.....sorry.....is that the only call you had?

A lot of numbers show out of area even from this country so my advise is not to get your hopes up Gloria, you can do better than him, he sounds a selfish rat sorry to say but its true and you need to listen and stop thinking about him, he will do your head in one way or other

I hope your feeling better and try and get over him if you can, I know its hard but your making yourself ill and his not worth it

Maria

Any updates Gloria?............

Hi everyone, that was my only call so I don't know what to think now. I feel like giving up, and how so very hard have I tried to stop checking my phone every few minutes to see if he's called and I didn't hear it, but nope he hasn't. I feel like throwing my phone in the bin but that won't solve my problems. One good thing I'm proud about is I keep my phone on charge in the kitchen at night so I don't keep checking it as I toss around in bed, that's helped me to some degree but then I feel worse when I go in the kitchen in the morning and see there's been no calls. I am so positive it was him who rang me but how do I prove it and why didn't he ring back?

I wrote a letter to him telling him how I feel, explaining everything about my alcohol addiction, Depression and my new problem, my ears. He has deserted me as far as I'm concerned and I want him to face up to his responsibilties. He can't just shirk me off and ignore me like this, I am feeling angry now! He told me he loved me so why did he lie? What did he want to break my heart for? I neved did anything to hurt him, I just gave him my heart, I even gave him my body, I loved him, I still do. My folks have told me I need to get a grip but they don't understand the pain I'm going through, if only he wouuld phone me that's all I want! Where do I go from here? I feel trapped.

Gloria

Gloria hunny I know its hard but you have to forget him now, try and move on from it hes no gooo to you or anyone else, hes a toerag and you are better off without him, good on you for trying at least, the phone thing in the kitchen is a start, keep up the good work, we are all rotting for you

Pipxoxo