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    Please help me!

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    Gloria78

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  Gloria78 on Thu Sep 29, 2011 9:48 pm

    Hi I finally heard from him after all this time! I got a phone call from him last night, just 2 rings and his name came up! I was wrong about the other call from out of area, that wasn't him. I didn't know whether to scream laugh or cry when I saw his name flash up, I was shaking so much I thought I wouuld faint. I rang him back straight away, I went numb with excitement, this is all I wanted, just a call from him. When he answered the sound of his voice brought all my feelings back up and my anger and heartache vanished. He told me he isn't working in that same restaurant anymore, he had a row with the boss over his wages and walked out with no money, he had to sell his phone for food and a bus fare back to his folks and that was why he never answered my calls. He said he lost his sim card on the bus and where his folks live they have no signals or phone shops and it's only now he's been able to contact the phone company and get all his numbers back. He told me he was so scared I would forget him by now and I told him he nearly lost me, I was at the end. He said we will never end.

    I told him I sent a letter to where he works but he won't get that now and it's in English so the boss there won't understand what I put in it thank god. I said everything about my Depression and alcohol problems (which have improved these last few days) and all the other problems I have. He said to forget the letter, he won't be going back there and he wants us to start from fresh. I have to give him another chance, I believe what he said to me and talking to him last night made me so relieved and so happy. I know some of you might say he doesn't deserve another chance but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I feel stronger now, stronger than before!

    I will treat this like a project and I am going to fight for my happiness. I am going to get through my problems not just for me and my kids but for him too. I think we have a future together, he told me last night if he lost me he wouuldn't want to live anymore and he told the pain he was going through thinking I must of forgotten him by now. I can't believe this has happened, last night I slept like a baby dreaming about our future together. I knew he loved me I knew it! All that time I was doubting him and it was all for nothing, there was a real reason he couldn't contact me and he was feeling as bad as me.

    I am more than happy, I feel so happy I could take the world on now!

    Gloria
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    Turkishheartdrop

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  Turkishheartdrop on Thu Sep 29, 2011 9:55 pm

    Gloria please no........this is a bunch of lies hes spinning you......oldest trick in the book to tell you they lost phone..sim..wages..walked out job..they use this to make you feel sorry for them and an excuse why they vanished...every red flag is waving here...dont do it to yourself.....for your sake and your kids sake...he will destroy you..
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    ruby

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  ruby on Fri Sep 30, 2011 7:05 am

    Hi Gloria

    As hard as this post is going to sound, I agree totally with what THD has written.

    If I were you I would practise the song 'I will survive' by your namesake Gloria Gaynor as this guy is not for real. Lost sim card on bus then had to contact phone company to get numbers back. Tosh.

    Get over him and move on is my advice.

    Good luck.

    Ruby
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    Philllipa

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  Philllipa on Fri Sep 30, 2011 8:29 am

    Does a new sim have all your contacts on? Suspect mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Suspect

    Pipxoxo
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    hyatum

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  hyatum on Fri Oct 07, 2011 5:35 am

    I have never given 'advice' on this forum, because I feel as though this is an area where not only angels, but devils would fear to tread. And I am only now beginning to grow cloven hooves. However I am really disturbed by the ubiquitous subject of relationships between Turds and 'others' that seems to elicit an outpouring of stories of women who; lack self-esteem, have immature relationship skills and are often what appears to be in some sort of depressive disorder/state!

    We all make mistakes in our relationships, and relationship building is I geuss a very difficult organic process in any context....whether the partners come from the same religion, country or little town, or whether they originate from opposite sides of the continent. Though we should remember that we are 'guided' by the social construct in which our personal stories have orientation.

    However after reading many of the stories I am absolutely astounded by the levels of low self confidence and respect that some women have for themselves while attempting to pursue relationships with Turds!! I am not knocking LDR, or partners that met online, or holiday romances, or even a large age-gap (my partner is younger than me...neither of us give a rat's).

    What does upset me is that there appear to be so many very vulnerable women who fall for Turds who think that they have stumbled upon their life's elixir. That somehow the depression, addictions and all the unhealed aspects of their life will miraculously be changed by this wonderful Askim who declares his undying love to his Princess. And of course.... HE is very different from any other Turd, HE is honest and honourable. FFS women of all ages, persuasion and class should have more respect for themselves. Why do they let these men define who they are, how they are feeling and the depth of their happiness and despair!!!!!!!!! If you are a women, girl, other......and have personal problems.....especially addiction or mental problems.....take extra care to let that healing take place first ...otherwise you will be vulnerable to all kinds of emotional manipulation and possible harm!

    Sorry, just had my wind-up for the day! Now I can go jump back into my box jocolor

    Ah better still I will haul Prec out to give me a massage and then we'll have a tipple together, me with my white wine and she with her amaHewu (a disgusting sour milk alcoholic drink)

    Totsiens

    Nicks


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    ruby

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  ruby on Fri Oct 07, 2011 8:44 am

    Wow Nicky

    I loved your post, so accurate, you hit the nail straight on the head (not of the voodoo doll I hasten to add Laughing )

    You are like a breathe of fresh air and please give more of your precious (sorry) advice. I do hope the women you are referring to are reading your post and taking heed of what you are saying as you are 1000% correct in your assumptions.

    I for one think its great your partner is younger than you, lucky you Laughing

    Please dont jump back into your box lol, keep on posting your advice as you are right on my wavelength and some women need to be constantly reminded that they need to retain their common sense and dignity.

    Ruby

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    Admin

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  Admin on Sat Oct 08, 2011 9:08 pm

    hyatum wrote:I have never given 'advice' on this forum, because I feel as though this is an area where not only angels, but devils would fear to tread. And I am only now beginning to grow cloven hooves. However I am really disturbed by the ubiquitous subject of relationships between Turds and 'others' that seems to elicit an outpouring of stories of women who; lack self-esteem, have immature relationship skills and are often what appears to be in some sort of depressive disorder/state!

    We all make mistakes in our relationships, and relationship building is I geuss a very difficult organic process in any context....whether the partners come from the same religion, country or little town, or whether they originate from opposite sides of the continent. Though we should remember that we are 'guided' by the social construct in which our personal stories have orientation.

    However after reading many of the stories I am absolutely astounded by the levels of low self confidence and respect that some women have for themselves while attempting to pursue relationships with Turds!! I am not knocking LDR, or partners that met online, or holiday romances, or even a large age-gap (my partner is younger than me...neither of us give a rat's).

    What does upset me is that there appear to be so many very vulnerable women who fall for Turds who think that they have stumbled upon their life's elixir. That somehow the depression, addictions and all the unhealed aspects of their life will miraculously be changed by this wonderful Askim who declares his undying love to his Princess. And of course.... HE is very different from any other Turd, HE is honest and honourable. FFS women of all ages, persuasion and class should have more respect for themselves. Why do they let these men define who they are, how they are feeling and the depth of their happiness and despair!!!!!!!!! If you are a women, girl, other......and have personal problems.....especially addiction or mental problems.....take extra care to let that healing take place first ...otherwise you will be vulnerable to all kinds of emotional manipulation and possible harm!

    Sorry, just had my wind-up for the day! Now I can go jump back into my box jocolor

    Ah better still I will haul Prec out to give me a massage and then we'll have a tipple together, me with my white wine and she with her amaHewu (a disgusting sour milk alcoholic drink)

    Totsiens

    Nicks








    Hi Nicks,

    It's very true what you say about giving advice on here - if the women don't hear what they want to hear they will decide you are bitter, twisted, jealous, evil - or just mad!

    Over the years (since about 2004) I've read thousands of stories on Turkish forums, and I would say that the vast majority of women (maybe as much as 95%) have some kind of issue - and that's the reason they're in a weird relationship in the first place.

    What has always stood out to me is how neurotic these women are, and how none of them have the ability to laugh at themselves. Some of them are unintelligent (hence the lack of grasping humour, maybe) and the ones who aren't unintelligent usually suffer from psychological problems. They're often very gullible, naive, foolish, short-sighted, unwordly, inexperienced, childish, immature, dull, dim-witted, and many of them come from under-privileged backgrounds, or have a history of disastrous relationships where they've been used, abused and mistreated. It's all very sad, really.

    Some of the women are often obese due to their lack of self-control - or they're just plain unattractive; hence their delight at a man (any man) showing them attention. They nearly always lack social skills, and if you ever mention a normal event or something you've done (say, skiing, for example) they'll think you're making it up - because to them - only people from other planets do things like that! Most of them have never sampled any of the good things in life, and they have no aspirations - except to hook a Turd. They're also incredibly self-obsesses, and their only topic of conversation is either themselves or their Turd - they have no outsie interests whatsoever - which is why they fall to pieces when he does a runner. Their lives are empty and pointless.

    Some of the deeply emotionially-damaged women will escape into a world of unreality, and will refuse to listen to any advice - as they cannot bear to face up to the truth. They're all disturbed, unhinged, and deluded, and if you dare try to tell them how they should try to improve their lives and build their self-worth they'll despise you for even suggesting it. So yes - you would be seen as the anti-Christ (or anti-Allah!) for trying to guide them and steer them away from a rotten and miserable situation.

    None of them take the time to ask themselves why they're repeat Turd-daters; it never occurs to them that it's abnormal for a woman to only go after a Turk - and they never wonder why they can't find a man in their own backyard. Oh, some of them will come out with things, such as 'all the men they know are skanks' - which means they must be skanks themselves to mix in such shitty circles. A lot of them actually enjoy all the tension and hard work involved in getting a visa for their askim - but they don't realise it. They don't realise that all that anticipation, 'drama', tenterhooks, hard work they put in to 'look clever' for their askim gives them a sense of purpose, and deflects from thinking about their (quite often) non-relationship. If they were to sit and think about THAT (their relationship) they would know that they didn't really love this Turd at all - and they would know he didn't love them either. So, far better to concentrate on visa issues, than on the tacky, tawdry relationship they have with a near-stranger. Of course, once Turd is over here theit next project is 'settling him in'...that keeps their minds active for a fair while.

    They'll marry these Turds who they barely know (let alone love!) and who are obviously only with them for a visa, money, a British Passport, or to further their career - but they all believe 'their hubby' is different to all the other Turds. Even if they've been fished off the Internet by a visa-seeker (some who may not even be interested in women! Shocked ) they'll proclaim that FATE brought them together and they were meant to be. Sirin, the deluded manager on TL (who lies, embellishes, daydreams, colludes with a fraudster, and who slyly cajoles gullible women into disastrous and unhealthy relationships) actually said how it was FATE that had brought her and her 'hubby together - but seemed to forget that she spent almost every single night (for about 18 months!) stuck indoors on her computer - on the old MSN Group EGOTM's Chatroom. And in that Chatroom a slimy Turd used to go in regularly trying to fish a British wife. lol He flirted with EVERYONE - including me (and I only went in there about twice) Had I been single I wouldn't have touched him with a bargepole - it was obvious what he was after (he was sleazy and crude, too) - but the Sirins' of this world - who have zero self-esteem will 'go for it' - because, quite simply, they're hard up and live in a fantasyworld.

    What I find upsetting (and frustrating) is when I see a very vulnerable woman being used - and people such as Sirin PUSH them into throwing their lives away. It really infuriates me! And it's SO true what you say about how vulnerable women believe that by meeting this 'wonderful Turd' all their problems will dissolve. They'll no longer live a life of drudgery, boredom, misery and despair - and everything will be wonderful! These women's problems don't disappear when their Turd turns up at the airport - they have ADDED problems. Their Turd is usually penniless and only able to work in a menial job - and the woman often sees less of him than she did when she used to visit him in Turkey!

    Most of the Turds (the ones from the poor families) will send a big chunk of his money home each month to Turkey - and the wife is effectively paying for that, too - cos she has is going without. That Oz does that - he sends money back to Turkey each month (even though Sirin likes to make out he comes from a well-to-do family - more of her deluded wishful thinking) his family live hand to mouth and have nothing. What a way to live Crying or Very sad Having a husband who has to send money back each month to support his family - while you have to go without the things you dream about. No wonder these women feel so depressed and miserable.

    What annoys me about the whole thing is that I have tried, tried and tried over the years to give good, proper advice to these vulnerable women, but because Sirin runs her sick numpty site and tells them what they want to hear - hundreds of women's lives have been destroyed. Remember, most of these are not resiliant women - they're not strong. They have no self regard - they're fragile and weak. So when their Turd runs off they feel WORSE than they felt before he came along. There's been some women who have allowed themselves to be beaten, mentally abused, cheated on, neglected - they've lost their life savings/home/family - and some have even attempted suicide. You may remember recently that one member who was abused by her deranged husband was murdered - Sirin and the members on that site advised that woman to 'work at her relationship' 'let him breathe'......hmmm. Let him breathe.....the irony!!!!

    But of course - I'm jealous!

    I'm jealous because I want all the shit they've got.......

    I can honestly say that there's just a handful of women in normal relationships on these sites, and I truly believe that the reason all these Turds abound is that the women are walking around with the words Mug Me on their foreheads. What normal woman would fall for all that shit these Turds give them? What normal woman would fly all the way to Istanbul to have sex with a man she's met on the Internet? What normal woman would marry a man she barely knew? What normal woman would be happy with a man who was mean, penny-pinching, or hard up with no prospects, or who doesn't want you to bear his children - so you'll end up like an old maiden aunt one day - no offspring - nothing - just an old spinster, with memories of a Turd you once had, who robbed you of everything.

    These vulnerable women always end up bitterly regretting it, and the experience leaves them even more damaged than they were before. They all seem to love that ridiculous saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" but any psychologist will tell you that's complete and utter crap. The proof of that is just looking at how damaged these women already are : if that saying was true, then none of them would be weak, needy little saps who fall to pieces when askim doesn't text them on time!

    One last thing : you saying how these women are vulnerable to emotional manipulation is very, very true. Turds sniff them out a mile off - and use them for their own means. The women are easy to fool; they're pliable and suckers for punishment. You might think just that alone was bad enough, but when another WOMAN purports to be running a site to give advice, support and advice - and encourages these vulnerbale, gullible women to screw their lives up on a using, sponging, cheating, abusing, thieving rat - it sickens me to the core.

    Strawbs
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    Turkishheartdrop

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  Turkishheartdrop on Sat Oct 08, 2011 10:05 pm

    Strawbs..Nicks....you both did A1 posts.....nothing I can add to it...you said it all and by god its so true.....
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    Gloria78

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  Gloria78 on Mon Oct 10, 2011 9:35 pm

    Hi I spoke too soon. I don't understand what happened, I can't think clearly, all my dreams have been shattered again.

    He's disappeared for the second time.

    I was so happy and relieved when he got back in touch with me and explained about his phone and sim card and all the other things, he told me he loved me and never wanted to lose me and wanted me to marry him, he told me lots of things which I never posted on here due to me feeling worried and warey it might temp fate. That's a joke.

    Everything was back on track, I spoke to his folks on the phone one night just to say hello, I was over the moon with happiness and now he's gone again. He's been gone since Thursday. No goodbye, phone calls, text nothing. His phone is off again and I'm back to where I was before. I can't take more of this. What is he trying to do to me, kill me?

    I know you will say I am crazy but it's him making me more Depressed, I drunk a bottle of bacardi over the weekend to try and kill my pain. I know it was wrong but how can he be so cruel to me and put me through hell all over again. I am in bits here.

    Gloria
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    Teenz

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  Teenz on Mon Oct 10, 2011 11:55 pm

    Oh god not again!

    Forget him !!!!!!!!

    Get a life, go up on to a hill and scream, Throw darts at his photos do anything that you need to get rid of all traces of this man out of your life and heart shake yourself then come back to reality plus get professional help if your need it.

    But please forget him he is just a piece of shit!

    Then protect yourself from ever getting into the same situation again.

    Be good and kind to yourself and your life will improve slowly.

    Good luck

    Admin
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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  Admin on Tue Oct 11, 2011 5:12 am

    Hi Gloria,

    I wasn't going to reply to you so soon (I am REALLY tired) but I am becoming concerned about you. As we all told you before, we do think that this man is playing games with you, and he really isn't doing your health any good whatsoever.

    Don't get me wrong, I can understand you wanting to grab at any chance of what you perceive to be future happiness with this man, but honestly, he is not going to bring you long-term happiness. It will be like this for as long as you remain in contact with him : when it suits him (and when he's available) he will contact you and profess undying love - but you must know his actions are not those of a man in love.

    I don't want to be brutal or unkind - I'm sure you're a lovely person - but holding onto a dream will only result in heartbreak for you. You must realise that if a man is genuine and sincere he will move heaven and earth to be with you and contact you. There is no excuse. I suspect he now has another woman visiting him, and that is why he has gone missing. I'm sorry if that upsets you, but I would bet anything that this is the reason he has gone missing.

    When he did make contact with you again, and gave you all those promises - they were fruitless and meaningless. He hasn't kept to his word, so you cannot believe anything he tells you. Worse than that, as he now knows the problems you are going through it is extremely unkind and callous of him to disappear out of your life - when he knows how much you rely on contact from him.

    It would take me forever to say everything I want to say to you, but I do think you need preofessional help and guidance from someone who is impartial and has your best interests at heart. I don't know your full circumstances, but I can guess some of what you are suffering right now.

    The best I can do for you is to talk to you one-to-one, so if you PM me your number - or I can give you mine - you can call me and we can discuss everything in depth on the phone. I think that would be better and easier, but I'll leave that decision up to you.

    Do let me know as soon as you read this.

    Take care

    Strawbs
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    ruby

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  ruby on Tue Oct 11, 2011 11:16 pm

    Hi Gloria

    I too am worried about your mental state of mind.

    I do hope that you have either made an appointment to see your doctor or have already seen a doctor as this Turk really is not worth all your distress and sadness.

    Please also consider taking up Strawbs offer to speak with her on the telephone. I speak to her often and she really is a very kind and genuine person.

    Whatever you decide to do, I wish you happiness in your life.

    Ruby
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    Gloria78

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  Gloria78 on Wed Oct 12, 2011 10:19 pm

    Hi Strawbs I have sent you a pm. Thanks.

    Gloria
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    Pollypecker

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  Pollypecker on Fri Oct 14, 2011 4:07 am

    Hi Gloria I hope you let us know hws it going still I love you look after yourself hun and keep in touch on here too I love you

    Pol
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    Gloria78

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  Gloria78 on Thu Nov 10, 2011 12:00 am

    Hi Strawbs

    I sent you a few pm's since last week but haven't heard anything?

    Gloria
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    ruby

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  ruby on Thu Nov 10, 2011 12:32 am

    Hi Gloria

    I am sure Strawbs will be in touch with you soon. I do know that she has been extremely busy.

    Hope you are doing well and are feeling better.

    Ruby
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    Gloria78

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  Gloria78 on Tue Nov 22, 2011 11:07 pm

    Hi I need to give an urgent update on my situation but I'm still waiting for a response from Strawbs first. Strawbs if you are reading this can you please reply to my last PM or shall I send it to you again? I'm not always sure you receive them. It is urgent.

    Thank you Strawbs and thank you folks.

    Gloria
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    Gloria78

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  Gloria78 on Tue Mar 27, 2012 1:11 am

    Hi I just wanted to say I still haven't heard anything and my situation is still the same. I'm no nearer an answer than I was this time last year and the sunshine just makes me feel sadder. I'm in a lose lose situation but it doesn't stop me from hoping and wishing things could change for the better. I know some of you feel like shaking me to wake up and listen but I can't control how I feel, things are getting blacker for me and if only I had the love I was promised I know things would be so different. Sorry for rambling on I just feel so lonely

    Gloria
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    ruby

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  ruby on Tue Mar 27, 2012 4:41 am

    Gloria78 wrote:Hi I just wanted to say I still haven't heard anything and my situation is still the same. I'm no nearer an answer than I was this time last year and the sunshine just makes me feel sadder. I'm in a lose lose situation but it doesn't stop me from hoping and wishing things could change for the better. I know some of you feel like shaking me to wake up and listen but I can't control how I feel, things are getting blacker for me and if only I had the love I was promised I know things would be so different. Sorry for rambling on I just feel so lonely

    Gloria

    Hi Gloria

    I'm very sorry to read that you are no nearer to resolving your problems. Although I dont profess to be a doctor, you sound depressed and I wonder if you have been to see your GP to discuss your feelings. I really empathise with your situation, unfortunately, you simply cannot make someone love you if they are not capable to giving that love. I really wish I could wave a magic wand and make you feel better in yourself, but sadly, only you can do that. Maybe you need a little help to move on or away from these toxic thoughts.

    If you would like to send me a pm and talk more, than I would be more than happy to help you if I am able to.

    My very best wishes to you Gloria, and I do hope that the sun will shine for you very soon.

    Ruby xx
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    Gloria78

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  Gloria78 on Fri Mar 30, 2012 1:10 am

    Hi Ruby

    Thank you for your good and kind words, it is sensible advice but just so hard to get over everything. I will try my best however I don't feel like I will ever get myself back again. I wanted to say thank you while I had the chance.

    Gloria
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    Turkishheartdrop

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  Turkishheartdrop on Fri Mar 30, 2012 6:25 pm

    I am seriously advising you to see your doctor Gloria......HE WILL BE ABLE TO HELP YOU..........DONT GIVE UP......
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    ameliecat

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    re;Please help me.

    Post  ameliecat on Sat Mar 31, 2012 6:20 am

    I agree with the comments made aswell,especially the one made by strawbs about not loosing him but the 'Dream'.Because after all that is what we silly romantic women do.We think we are all keyed up and wont fall into the charms of these guys but,hey the sun is shining ,were not thinking about our bills and troubles back home and everything is blissful..and along comes this hansome guy and he says a few magic words and suddenly we 'think' were inlove because it is addictive.You want it to go on and on like youve fallen under a deep spell.Then you come back home and back to normality and your suddenly lovely dream man isnt there anymore.So there is this huge gap and aching void in your brain that now wants to be filled again..Believe me i fell for it big time twice and its no joke.Its a very real feeling,because you do feel like youve lost something.We do hope ours will be real as there are ofcourse success stories on here aswell.I just think you have to keep it in perspective and bring yourself back to reality and i know how hard that is.When you think of how easy it is for them to have a different women every week and its something they do grow up with in the summer places..Ive worked summer places in England many years ago and ive seen our men do exactly the same thing.Why because they can ..!!
    Bottom line if they aint talking to you ,they aint interested.!!bit like the film..'Hes just not that into you ' comes to mind..it goes for all men no matter where they are from.If they want you believe me they will jump through hoops and run for you in every way possible.
    I also agree with the statments about the phone issues ..my god Turks are phone crazy .they have different sims for different people haha !!.Ive seen that with my own eyes and being just friends with a turkish guy ..sorry hes kurdish ..i get wrong for calling him turkish lol .When on holiday there its so easy for us to get a cheap card from any shop and phone home wich lasts quite a long time as i used to phone my family while there..this is not expensive even by turkish standards ..so the excuse thaat they cant call you just doesnt wash with me!!.
    But then hey if they think you are going to go back and see them or maybe help them in some way ..well they are phoning you all the time from one of their many sim cards haha !!
    Ahh you know the best way to get over it..pick yourself up,take a good look at yourself and tell yourself you are worth so much more.If you must go back have a great time and dont fall for it again..Treat them exactly the same way as they treat you.Be polite ,have your own dignity about you and be a strong woman.then come home and think ,well ive had a great holiday and dont get involved.I know it seems harsh and please dont think im not being sympathetic,as i did go through it all and learnt from experience.
    By the way my ex fiance who took all my money still ever so charmingly contacts me every now and again and tells me he is still inlove with me ..PFFF..until i ask him for my money back hahha !!!
    Get your mojo back and be happy of your escape .;-))xx

    Admin
    Admin

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  Admin on Sat Apr 21, 2012 11:32 pm

    Hi Gloria,

    Have you an update for us? I hope you're on the mend. We do care you know!

    Strawbs
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    Pollypecker

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    Re: Please help me!

    Post  Pollypecker on Sun Apr 22, 2012 2:02 am

    Best wishes from me too Gloria, I hope your well and getting along better

    Blessings

    Pol x I love you

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