offlinestrawberryxxx
Allowing Ex-Husband's To Take Children To Turkey
Posts
Sunday,
I've just read about a woman who is allowing her ex-husband to take her two young children to Turkey to visit his family. Besides the man originally only wanting to take one of his children, he's unreliable, untrustworthy, and a law-breaker (he's on probation for something)
Besides all THAT, she is allowing him to take them to a place where their idea of safety is tying a sling round the children's waists so they don't fall off the family scooter as they zig-zag round the potholes in the road.
Not in ONE ZILLION years' would I allow him to take them!
One of the children must still be a baby - she's on formula milk. How about all the sterilising of bottles, not to mention the actual water! I can't believe a woman would so flippantly palm her children off just so that she could have some 'ME TIME'! I'm sorry, but I'd be in a constant state of anxiety worrying if they were in danger, or simply being neglected, or crying for me.............oh it's unbearable to even consider!
I think it's appalling behaviour. I really do. If she is so keen for them to visit their grandparents she should book a hotel for 2 weeks, and set up visits and meetings.
It's all very well saying that the grandmother has lots of experience with children, but that doesn't make looking after them easy. And it doesn't mean that the grandmother has good maternal skills. And it doesn't mean she's fit and able.
I look after my two little ones (one is 3 in August, and one is 5 months old) every week. I'm not old or decrepit; we have all the mod cons going; and they're both very good children - especially the baby who hardly ever cries and just gives you smiles all the time - but I never get a moment to myself when I'm looking after them, and usually don't get to eat my breakfast until lunchtime. As any mother will know you're on the go all the time, and need eyes in the back of your head when you're changing a poo-filled nappy and baby's wriggling, and you're trying to bend your head 180 degrees to make sure the toddler isn't escaping somewhere with the Sudocream. And that's with baby-gates to the staircase, and all the other safety features you need (electric wall plug things etc)......
Maybe his family do live in a house that is child friendly, but even then I'd still be panicking. Especially as the father wasn't interested in taking the youngest. It sounds as though he has no bond whatsoever with the youngest one - and she'll pick up on that and will feel scared and terrified - and be shaking for her Mum.
I don't think the woman's thought things through.
Strawbs
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offlineguveclover
Posts: 419
Sunday,
Hi Strawbs
I agree, for me too it would be totally unthinkable to simply pack them off in this way. I wouldn't even let my nearly 9 year old go over there alone without me and I know he wouldn't want to go without me either. Mayabe when he's bit older, but not now.
I think this particular woman is maybe being a little disingenuous and the need for "me time" is perhaps more of a factor in this than we're being led to believe it is...
How she (or any mother for that matter) could manage for up to three months at a time!!!! without being able to see, touch and interact with her very young child who needs her mother more than anyone is beyond me. I'm afraid that as muich as it might be jolly nice for them to be able to speak Turkish and get in touch with their Turkish roots - nothing but nothing would keep me from seeing my child for more than a day or two at a time - and if I did leave him I'd have to know that he was being cared for to exactly the same standards as I would care for him myself.
As a mother, this story beggars belief to me. But I suppose there are mothers, and then there are mothers....
Judith
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offlineWendy #2
Posts: 467
Sunday,
No way! You wouldnt just have the worry of them not being brought back and all the issues you mentioned Strawbs, also the kids in Turkey are used to the food and water, ours arent, and even boiled sterilised water in a foreign country can give them an upset stomach, what happens if they get ill and dehydrated? It doesnt take much for kids! What if theres an accident? Can they afford a hospital? What if the oldest is allowed out alone? The kids here arent streetwise like they are there what about the roads? Bugger that! We all need some "Me time" but thats a bit much! image
Even if I knew hed guard them with his life Id be terrified something would happen and its not like theyre just down the road. Huh! No way!
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offlinetraceys16973 #3
Posts: 798
Sunday,
well i have to say its something i really couldnt do but if bex is comfortable doin it then i just hope everything goes ok.
some might think i am wrong to go away for 10 days without my youngest who is 7,however he is staying with my mum and dad and they r bigger panic masters than me so he will be well looked after,also all his friends live where my parents live...i dont let anyone else look after him (not even his dad) for more than 1 day. as i have been on pain management courses and away a few times before,my son knows he can speak to me anytime of the day.think i speak to him more when im not with him!
fingers crossed everything will be ok for bex's
tracy.x
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offlineWendy #4
Sunday,
Tracy I dont know anyone who has kids that hasnt been on holiday without them, or been away for something or other and who better to leave them with than family you can trust and who know them like you do? What you do is normal, its different though leaving your kids with your own family to having them taken away to the other end of the world. Im not suggesting Turks are bad parents-far from it but everythings different there and there are just too many risks, Im such a worrier I wouldnt just worry about something happening Id expect it to.
Ive just read that post again and saw hes her EX! image It wouldnt be me! Definitely definitely not!
Like you say though good luck to her if she feels comfortable with it. Fingers crossed eh? image
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offlinetraceys16973 #5 [url] [-]
Posts: 798
Sunday,
wendy- i guess its just me on a guilt trip.... ha,best of it is he cant wait to see the back of me cos he loves stayin there,hes spoilt rotten! had a bit of a scare today though,my dads been ill for a few months now and got taken into hospital today,had to have 3 enemasimage,and a catheter fitted as he couldnt pee cos his bowel was pressing on his bladderimage said nothin to anyone cas he was worried i wouldnt go away,an my sister is going to spain tonight for 5 days,he thought he could hold out till we leftimagesilly sod.anyhow he couldnt take the pain anymore so hes in there now.the staff there are a disgrace,we have just had to leave b4 we said something. they spoke to my dad like shite, told me to get my son off the end of the bed as he could cause cross contamination,(he wanted to sit by his grandad, bare in mind this is possibly one of the most mingin hospitals in england) aintree hospital. renowned for patients contracting mrsa when there....including 5 members of my close family...
sorry went into one there! needed to vent!!!image
back to my point....
i couldnt do it,i have a nervous breakdown if my son plays out and goes out of eyeshot for 10 seconds!and dont even get me started on my 16yr old,my hair has turned grey and falls out due to the worries i have about him when hes not with me!!all my sons friends think im mental cos i have them call me or call back in none stop so i know where they r.wouldnt have it anyother way
tracy.xx
offlinestrawberryxxx #6
Sunday,
But Tracy, you're leaving your children who are much older in years - and who know their grandparents. And you're leaving them in a safe, familiar environment - while you go away for 11 days on holiday. That's a different thing altogether.
Bex's children don't know their father's parents - not really. They don't see HIM all that much! And he obviously shows a preference towards the eldest which the youngest one will pick up.
I don't know their history, but the safety and emotional issues would bother me. Immensely. And I'm sure I read somewhere that the father's visits should be supervised...........................if I read that correctly what the hell is she doing allowing him to take them out the country?
Strawbs
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offlineguveclover #7
Hi Tracy
I agree it's totally different if you are the one who's going away and leaving them in a safe and familiar enviroment with people who you can trust 100% to look after them just as well as you would. When it's your own parents you don't have any worries on that score. The chances are Tracy, in a situation like yours, your son will look forward to staying with his granparents because (if your parents are anything like my mum and your son is anything like my son) he probably knows they'll spoil him rotten! He sees them all the time tool so they're like a second set of parents to him. My son would go to my mum for 2 weeks without any question and I'd have no concerns about her having him although I would miss him. Not being funny but 10 days will probably fly by for your son having the time of his life getting away with murder with his gradparents (I know my son does when he's with my mum!!)
But these children are being taken away from everything that's familiar to them - the smaller one is 15 months old ad has never left her mother at all by the sound of it.
Leaving a 7, 8, 9 year old or older child at home with their grandparents while you go for a short holiday is a totally different thing in my book to sending a baby or toddler thousands of miles away to places they've never been and to people they hardly know - even if they are their relatives - for months on end.
Judith
offlinetraceys16973 #8
hi judith
yeah,he hasnt batted an eyelid about me goin,cheeky little sod just asked if he can go tonight,i told him im goin away tomoro,he was image ohhhh ok mum!!!image
kids eh!
tracy.x
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offlinelady mizmiz mmmmmmmmm ex husband #9 [url] [-]
i wouldnt trust him. what if doesnt bring them back what will she do then i dont have any expirience in this field but i wouldnt let them go alone with hm.image
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offlineAdryath #10
There is no way on earth I would let an ex-husband take my children out of the country! I would be terrified that he wouldn't bring them back. To be honest I wouldn't even be happy with my husband taking my girls to his family without me, not that I think he would steal them but I just think they would miss me too much and I would miss them, my girls are always with me and I couldn't imagine being apaprt from them even for a week at the moment.
Allowing Ex-Husband's To Take Children To Turkey
Posts
Sunday,
I've just read about a woman who is allowing her ex-husband to take her two young children to Turkey to visit his family. Besides the man originally only wanting to take one of his children, he's unreliable, untrustworthy, and a law-breaker (he's on probation for something)
Besides all THAT, she is allowing him to take them to a place where their idea of safety is tying a sling round the children's waists so they don't fall off the family scooter as they zig-zag round the potholes in the road.
Not in ONE ZILLION years' would I allow him to take them!
One of the children must still be a baby - she's on formula milk. How about all the sterilising of bottles, not to mention the actual water! I can't believe a woman would so flippantly palm her children off just so that she could have some 'ME TIME'! I'm sorry, but I'd be in a constant state of anxiety worrying if they were in danger, or simply being neglected, or crying for me.............oh it's unbearable to even consider!
I think it's appalling behaviour. I really do. If she is so keen for them to visit their grandparents she should book a hotel for 2 weeks, and set up visits and meetings.
It's all very well saying that the grandmother has lots of experience with children, but that doesn't make looking after them easy. And it doesn't mean that the grandmother has good maternal skills. And it doesn't mean she's fit and able.
I look after my two little ones (one is 3 in August, and one is 5 months old) every week. I'm not old or decrepit; we have all the mod cons going; and they're both very good children - especially the baby who hardly ever cries and just gives you smiles all the time - but I never get a moment to myself when I'm looking after them, and usually don't get to eat my breakfast until lunchtime. As any mother will know you're on the go all the time, and need eyes in the back of your head when you're changing a poo-filled nappy and baby's wriggling, and you're trying to bend your head 180 degrees to make sure the toddler isn't escaping somewhere with the Sudocream. And that's with baby-gates to the staircase, and all the other safety features you need (electric wall plug things etc)......
Maybe his family do live in a house that is child friendly, but even then I'd still be panicking. Especially as the father wasn't interested in taking the youngest. It sounds as though he has no bond whatsoever with the youngest one - and she'll pick up on that and will feel scared and terrified - and be shaking for her Mum.
I don't think the woman's thought things through.
Strawbs
Reply Quote
offlineguveclover
Posts: 419
Sunday,
Hi Strawbs
I agree, for me too it would be totally unthinkable to simply pack them off in this way. I wouldn't even let my nearly 9 year old go over there alone without me and I know he wouldn't want to go without me either. Mayabe when he's bit older, but not now.
I think this particular woman is maybe being a little disingenuous and the need for "me time" is perhaps more of a factor in this than we're being led to believe it is...
How she (or any mother for that matter) could manage for up to three months at a time!!!! without being able to see, touch and interact with her very young child who needs her mother more than anyone is beyond me. I'm afraid that as muich as it might be jolly nice for them to be able to speak Turkish and get in touch with their Turkish roots - nothing but nothing would keep me from seeing my child for more than a day or two at a time - and if I did leave him I'd have to know that he was being cared for to exactly the same standards as I would care for him myself.
As a mother, this story beggars belief to me. But I suppose there are mothers, and then there are mothers....
Judith
Interact
Reply Quote
offlineWendy #2
Posts: 467
Sunday,
No way! You wouldnt just have the worry of them not being brought back and all the issues you mentioned Strawbs, also the kids in Turkey are used to the food and water, ours arent, and even boiled sterilised water in a foreign country can give them an upset stomach, what happens if they get ill and dehydrated? It doesnt take much for kids! What if theres an accident? Can they afford a hospital? What if the oldest is allowed out alone? The kids here arent streetwise like they are there what about the roads? Bugger that! We all need some "Me time" but thats a bit much! image
Even if I knew hed guard them with his life Id be terrified something would happen and its not like theyre just down the road. Huh! No way!
Reply Quote
offlinetraceys16973 #3
Posts: 798
Sunday,
well i have to say its something i really couldnt do but if bex is comfortable doin it then i just hope everything goes ok.
some might think i am wrong to go away for 10 days without my youngest who is 7,however he is staying with my mum and dad and they r bigger panic masters than me so he will be well looked after,also all his friends live where my parents live...i dont let anyone else look after him (not even his dad) for more than 1 day. as i have been on pain management courses and away a few times before,my son knows he can speak to me anytime of the day.think i speak to him more when im not with him!
fingers crossed everything will be ok for bex's
tracy.x
Reply Quote
offlineWendy #4
Sunday,
Tracy I dont know anyone who has kids that hasnt been on holiday without them, or been away for something or other and who better to leave them with than family you can trust and who know them like you do? What you do is normal, its different though leaving your kids with your own family to having them taken away to the other end of the world. Im not suggesting Turks are bad parents-far from it but everythings different there and there are just too many risks, Im such a worrier I wouldnt just worry about something happening Id expect it to.
Ive just read that post again and saw hes her EX! image It wouldnt be me! Definitely definitely not!
Like you say though good luck to her if she feels comfortable with it. Fingers crossed eh? image
Reply Quote
offlinetraceys16973 #5 [url] [-]
Posts: 798
Sunday,
wendy- i guess its just me on a guilt trip.... ha,best of it is he cant wait to see the back of me cos he loves stayin there,hes spoilt rotten! had a bit of a scare today though,my dads been ill for a few months now and got taken into hospital today,had to have 3 enemasimage,and a catheter fitted as he couldnt pee cos his bowel was pressing on his bladderimage said nothin to anyone cas he was worried i wouldnt go away,an my sister is going to spain tonight for 5 days,he thought he could hold out till we leftimagesilly sod.anyhow he couldnt take the pain anymore so hes in there now.the staff there are a disgrace,we have just had to leave b4 we said something. they spoke to my dad like shite, told me to get my son off the end of the bed as he could cause cross contamination,(he wanted to sit by his grandad, bare in mind this is possibly one of the most mingin hospitals in england) aintree hospital. renowned for patients contracting mrsa when there....including 5 members of my close family...
sorry went into one there! needed to vent!!!image
back to my point....
i couldnt do it,i have a nervous breakdown if my son plays out and goes out of eyeshot for 10 seconds!and dont even get me started on my 16yr old,my hair has turned grey and falls out due to the worries i have about him when hes not with me!!all my sons friends think im mental cos i have them call me or call back in none stop so i know where they r.wouldnt have it anyother way
tracy.xx
offlinestrawberryxxx #6
Sunday,
But Tracy, you're leaving your children who are much older in years - and who know their grandparents. And you're leaving them in a safe, familiar environment - while you go away for 11 days on holiday. That's a different thing altogether.
Bex's children don't know their father's parents - not really. They don't see HIM all that much! And he obviously shows a preference towards the eldest which the youngest one will pick up.
I don't know their history, but the safety and emotional issues would bother me. Immensely. And I'm sure I read somewhere that the father's visits should be supervised...........................if I read that correctly what the hell is she doing allowing him to take them out the country?
Strawbs
Reply Quote
offlineguveclover #7
Hi Tracy
I agree it's totally different if you are the one who's going away and leaving them in a safe and familiar enviroment with people who you can trust 100% to look after them just as well as you would. When it's your own parents you don't have any worries on that score. The chances are Tracy, in a situation like yours, your son will look forward to staying with his granparents because (if your parents are anything like my mum and your son is anything like my son) he probably knows they'll spoil him rotten! He sees them all the time tool so they're like a second set of parents to him. My son would go to my mum for 2 weeks without any question and I'd have no concerns about her having him although I would miss him. Not being funny but 10 days will probably fly by for your son having the time of his life getting away with murder with his gradparents (I know my son does when he's with my mum!!)
But these children are being taken away from everything that's familiar to them - the smaller one is 15 months old ad has never left her mother at all by the sound of it.
Leaving a 7, 8, 9 year old or older child at home with their grandparents while you go for a short holiday is a totally different thing in my book to sending a baby or toddler thousands of miles away to places they've never been and to people they hardly know - even if they are their relatives - for months on end.
Judith
offlinetraceys16973 #8
hi judith
yeah,he hasnt batted an eyelid about me goin,cheeky little sod just asked if he can go tonight,i told him im goin away tomoro,he was image ohhhh ok mum!!!image
kids eh!
tracy.x
Reply Quote
offlinelady mizmiz mmmmmmmmm ex husband #9 [url] [-]
i wouldnt trust him. what if doesnt bring them back what will she do then i dont have any expirience in this field but i wouldnt let them go alone with hm.image
Interact
Reply Quote
offlineAdryath #10
There is no way on earth I would let an ex-husband take my children out of the country! I would be terrified that he wouldn't bring them back. To be honest I wouldn't even be happy with my husband taking my girls to his family without me, not that I think he would steal them but I just think they would miss me too much and I would miss them, my girls are always with me and I couldn't imagine being apaprt from them even for a week at the moment.