Hi Judith,
I think a lot of Turkish men would disagree with you there. They seem fiercely proud of their fine cuisine, and even use it as a medicine in some instances. I have heard that they use wild garlic and chilli peppers to bring them round after having sex with very fat women and geriatrics
You know those soup kitchens they have out there? The ones open until about 4 in the morning? They're actually a refined form of self-harming. They go and tuck into Tripe Soup or Brain Soup not just to cure their hangovers, but to try and confuse their brain signals by eating something so revolting it will take away the memory of what it felt like being on top of a giant sweaty whale, or crinkly old crumbly who'd lost her dentures.
Don't forget, too, Turkish men are very macho, and like nothing better than to prove their robust masculinity by popping the hottest-looking chilli pepper into their mouths, and watching you watch them as they chew on it without their eyes watering and without their nose flushing red. It means they're tough and manly and can handle any situation.
And if they heard you say you found doner kebabs underwhelming they'd probably eye you with deep suspicion and hizz at you every time you passed by. I read somewhere that some doner kebabs have about 15 different types of meat in each 'elephant leg' including all the extra little bits of the animal we wouldn't think they'd use : ground teeth, gums, scrotums, anus, hooves, nail clippings, glands - it's all full of goodness, apparently. And very tasty smothered in very hot chilli sauce and garlic yogurt.
Another added bonus of eating doner kebabs is it's cheap and cheerful, and often served up by a grinning chef who tries to catch your eye and wink at you as he's carving the meat. Note: the longer they take to carve it the more they want to talk to you. And watch out for their seductive gaze as they sprinkle lots of salad over it and pile extra tomato on to try and impress you.
Of course, I haven't even touched on "1000 ways to cook an aubergine" or "how to stuff a pepper/tomato/vine leaf every day for 10 years, without going insane". Or how make lentil soup look 'interesting' by swirling red chilli flakes on top with a dollop of yogurt, or squeeze of lemon juice.
Rice pilaf is the dish that really gets them going, though. The women, that is. I'm sure you've noticed how very competitive women become when it comes to cooking this extremely complicated dish
No-one cooks pilaf better than they do, and if you can make pilaf you're set for life! Your man will NEVER leave you, and everyone will either be very jealous of your cooking skills, or hold you in deep admiration and speak in hushed tones when they come round to dinner and watch you serving the pilaf up. Oh, and don't forget the beans! Beans in watery tomato sauce - that's the sort of food you'd expect to find at The Ritz.
I actually find one aspect of Turkish food rather strange. It's quite a paradox that chilli peppers are known to speed up the metabolism, and should, by rights, keep you alert. Yet so many Turkish men love zleeeeeeeping! You noticed that?
Strawbs