Total Cuckoo Land

TL really is cuckoo land.

There's a woman posting over there at the moment saying she doesn't know what to do...

I don't know how old she is but she appears to be yet another woman who has had a child with a man who lives 2000 miles away; a man who contributes nothing towards the upkeep of his child and a man with whom she has a very unstable relationship. However, it seems they've decided to "give it another go" (give what another go I hear you cry) and be a family.

She claims they've been together for 5 years and that he now wants to marry her. She's not sure about marriage though, hence the request for what she calls "unbiased opinions".

I'm not entirely sure what her issues are with regard to marriage as she doesn't reveal them but there seems to be one stonking great big problem as far as I can see and that is the fact that her askim puts his father and his demands for cash before her and the child they have together and he sends him his entire earnings.

She's now planning to head off to Turkey for a few months, where I suppose they'll live on whatever cash she can scrape up to take with her because, naturally, anything askim earns will be sent post haste to his father.

Poor askim. She says he's at breaking point with his father's demands for money. Altogether now, ahhhhhh.

Of course, the advice this woman should be receiving is that if their child is of an age to start nursery (which apparently he/she is) then surely his/her father should have prioritised him/her long ago. If he is not doing it now, chances are he will never do it. The pull to provide for family transcends borders and being in the UK won't make a jot of difference.

People have tentatively pointed out that the money issue will need to be looked at - and one well-know numpty over there has not even bothered to mention it and just told her to go on over because life's too short for what ifs.

These women need to hear the truth. In all likelihood this woman is very young indeed. She needs to know that pursuing a relationship with this man is utterly futile. She can probably ill afford the fares to get to Turkey and that money could be better spent on her child.

Why oh why do these girls have children with men who have no intention of supporting them once they are born and who do not take the relationships they have with those children's mothers seriously?

This man wants to marry her but doesn't appear to have any interest whatsoever in supporting either her or the child they have together financially - what does/should that tell her? It should tell her that this man has what he quite clearly considers to be higher priorities than her and their child. No matter how he tries to dress it up and say that he's the victim of a demanding father, he is the one who ultimately makes the choice about what to do with his money. If he's still doing what he's doing when the child has already been around for a few years he is not going to change. Most parents would die for their child, yet this man isn't prepared to stand up to his father in order to provide for his child.

He probably wants to marry her in order to secure a visa so that he can come to the UK and earn even more money to keep his father in the manner to which he has become accustomed. She should cut her losses and make a life for herself and her child without him.

Why does no one see fit to alert this girl to the reality of her situation?

Oh, and as an aside, funnily enough, the numpty who advised her to go for it was the one who had a young child herself (although from a previous relationship) and she also spent ££££s that could have been spent on her child saving up for a visa - when the Turk/Kurd she was supposedly "married" to had told her in the plainest and most unpleasant terms to eff off and leave him alone!

Only on TL......

Hi Judith,

I've never quite understood how these lowlife scumbags rate marriage as more of a commitment than having a child together! Time and again, I've read over on the Turkish Lunatics site women saying that they've got a baby with Musti/Ali/Fahti - but they're not sure if they're ready for marriage!

In this particular case with the strange litle plantpot - asking for 'unbiased opinions' - it sounds like she's very confused indeed! What does she mean by 'unbiased opinions'? Does she only want certain types of opinions? What actually is she after? And what normal woman in their RIGHT mind asks a bunch of numpty lunatics for their opinions on whether or not she should get married?! No-one knows the stupid tosspot, and not ONE of them are normal enough to give valid advice!!

Of course, the mad midget has advised her not to marry just for a visa. Err - there's been no mention of visas! Sirin obviously thinks marriage = visa. Actually, midge, marriage usually equals children Unless you've married a gay...

Anyway, the askim sounds like a drippy no-hoper, and although he probably is sending some money to his father - I doubt he's sending as much as he claims! She said he was sending 2500 lira? That seems a lot each month! He's probably telling porkies. That sounds a fairly decent wage for Turkey - what's his job, I wonder? I think he's lying - I think he's just telling her he's sending that amount to his father in the hope she'll bring a load of dosh over to support them.

All these stories are soooo cheap and tacky aren't they?!

Strawbs

Don't these people take protection when having sex? They can't worry about diseases.

VD and AIDS can kill!

Someone pointed out to her that if they've been together for 5 years and have a child together she should either make a decision and marry him or move on.

5 years? What 5 years?!!

When you boil it down they've probably spent 6 months tops actually in one another's company in those 5 years. And as for having a child together - it doesn't even have to take 2 minutes to get pregnant. The fact that you have a child with someone needn't mean a thing.

I totally agree with you too Strawbs. He's probably lying through his teeth about the money. The woman says that he buys stuff for the child when they're out there visiting him - wow, that's good of him!

Doesn't sound as though the father has any responsability for his child at all, no upkeep paid towards the little ones food or housing at all over 5 years wonder who does pay? bet its the good old tax payer.

She should request money now and monthly too! and if the guy refuses to pay for whatever reason she need not bother even thinking about dragging the little one thousands of miles away to try to be a family as a last resort. He has already proved he thinks its perfectly acceptable to have a child and not bother to keep it, She should think of her child and the fact that this man is very likely not going to want to spend his money long term keeping them, She could end up living in a hovel with nothing in Turkey.

Its not even about visas at the end of the day its about a Father being a decent human being and looking after his child by keeping it and helping her out, and for the last 5 years he has been seriously lacking in that department.

The kid will think he's just some bloke when they go see him......it makes you wanna cry.