Allowing Ex-Husband's To Take Children To Turkey

offlinestrawberryxxx
Allowing Ex-Husband's To Take Children To Turkey


Posts

Sunday,

I've just read about a woman who is allowing her ex-husband to take her two young children to Turkey to visit his family. Besides the man originally only wanting to take one of his children, he's unreliable, untrustworthy, and a law-breaker (he's on probation for something)

Besides all THAT, she is allowing him to take them to a place where their idea of safety is tying a sling round the children's waists so they don't fall off the family scooter as they zig-zag round the potholes in the road.

Not in ONE ZILLION years' would I allow him to take them!

One of the children must still be a baby - she's on formula milk. How about all the sterilising of bottles, not to mention the actual water! I can't believe a woman would so flippantly palm her children off just so that she could have some 'ME TIME'! I'm sorry, but I'd be in a constant state of anxiety worrying if they were in danger, or simply being neglected, or crying for me.............oh it's unbearable to even consider!

I think it's appalling behaviour. I really do. If she is so keen for them to visit their grandparents she should book a hotel for 2 weeks, and set up visits and meetings.

It's all very well saying that the grandmother has lots of experience with children, but that doesn't make looking after them easy. And it doesn't mean that the grandmother has good maternal skills. And it doesn't mean she's fit and able.

I look after my two little ones (one is 3 in August, and one is 5 months old) every week. I'm not old or decrepit; we have all the mod cons going; and they're both very good children - especially the baby who hardly ever cries and just gives you smiles all the time - but I never get a moment to myself when I'm looking after them, and usually don't get to eat my breakfast until lunchtime. As any mother will know you're on the go all the time, and need eyes in the back of your head when you're changing a poo-filled nappy and baby's wriggling, and you're trying to bend your head 180 degrees to make sure the toddler isn't escaping somewhere with the Sudocream. And that's with baby-gates to the staircase, and all the other safety features you need (electric wall plug things etc)......

Maybe his family do live in a house that is child friendly, but even then I'd still be panicking. Especially as the father wasn't interested in taking the youngest. It sounds as though he has no bond whatsoever with the youngest one - and she'll pick up on that and will feel scared and terrified - and be shaking for her Mum.

I don't think the woman's thought things through.

Strawbs







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offlineguveclover



Posts: 419

Sunday,

Hi Strawbs

I agree, for me too it would be totally unthinkable to simply pack them off in this way. I wouldn't even let my nearly 9 year old go over there alone without me and I know he wouldn't want to go without me either. Mayabe when he's bit older, but not now.

I think this particular woman is maybe being a little disingenuous and the need for "me time" is perhaps more of a factor in this than we're being led to believe it is...

How she (or any mother for that matter) could manage for up to three months at a time!!!! without being able to see, touch and interact with her very young child who needs her mother more than anyone is beyond me. I'm afraid that as muich as it might be jolly nice for them to be able to speak Turkish and get in touch with their Turkish roots - nothing but nothing would keep me from seeing my child for more than a day or two at a time - and if I did leave him I'd have to know that he was being cared for to exactly the same standards as I would care for him myself.

As a mother, this story beggars belief to me. But I suppose there are mothers, and then there are mothers....

Judith

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offlineWendy #2



Posts: 467

Sunday,

No way! You wouldnt just have the worry of them not being brought back and all the issues you mentioned Strawbs, also the kids in Turkey are used to the food and water, ours arent, and even boiled sterilised water in a foreign country can give them an upset stomach, what happens if they get ill and dehydrated? It doesnt take much for kids! What if theres an accident? Can they afford a hospital? What if the oldest is allowed out alone? The kids here arent streetwise like they are there what about the roads? Bugger that! We all need some "Me time" but thats a bit much! image
Even if I knew hed guard them with his life Id be terrified something would happen and its not like theyre just down the road. Huh! No way!



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offlinetraceys16973 #3



Posts: 798

Sunday,

well i have to say its something i really couldnt do but if bex is comfortable doin it then i just hope everything goes ok.

some might think i am wrong to go away for 10 days without my youngest who is 7,however he is staying with my mum and dad and they r bigger panic masters than me so he will be well looked after,also all his friends live where my parents live...i dont let anyone else look after him (not even his dad) for more than 1 day. as i have been on pain management courses and away a few times before,my son knows he can speak to me anytime of the day.think i speak to him more when im not with him!

fingers crossed everything will be ok for bex's

tracy.x

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offlineWendy #4



Sunday,

Tracy I dont know anyone who has kids that hasnt been on holiday without them, or been away for something or other and who better to leave them with than family you can trust and who know them like you do? What you do is normal, its different though leaving your kids with your own family to having them taken away to the other end of the world. Im not suggesting Turks are bad parents-far from it but everythings different there and there are just too many risks, Im such a worrier I wouldnt just worry about something happening Id expect it to.
Ive just read that post again and saw hes her EX! image It wouldnt be me! Definitely definitely not!

Like you say though good luck to her if she feels comfortable with it. Fingers crossed eh? image




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offlinetraceys16973 #5 [url] [-]



Posts: 798

Sunday,

wendy- i guess its just me on a guilt trip.... ha,best of it is he cant wait to see the back of me cos he loves stayin there,hes spoilt rotten! had a bit of a scare today though,my dads been ill for a few months now and got taken into hospital today,had to have 3 enemasimage,and a catheter fitted as he couldnt pee cos his bowel was pressing on his bladderimage said nothin to anyone cas he was worried i wouldnt go away,an my sister is going to spain tonight for 5 days,he thought he could hold out till we leftimagesilly sod.anyhow he couldnt take the pain anymore so hes in there now.the staff there are a disgrace,we have just had to leave b4 we said something. they spoke to my dad like shite, told me to get my son off the end of the bed as he could cause cross contamination,(he wanted to sit by his grandad, bare in mind this is possibly one of the most mingin hospitals in england) aintree hospital. renowned for patients contracting mrsa when there....including 5 members of my close family...

sorry went into one there! needed to vent!!!image

back to my point....

i couldnt do it,i have a nervous breakdown if my son plays out and goes out of eyeshot for 10 seconds!and dont even get me started on my 16yr old,my hair has turned grey and falls out due to the worries i have about him when hes not with me!!all my sons friends think im mental cos i have them call me or call back in none stop so i know where they r.wouldnt have it anyother way

tracy.xx





offlinestrawberryxxx #6

Sunday,


But Tracy, you're leaving your children who are much older in years - and who know their grandparents. And you're leaving them in a safe, familiar environment - while you go away for 11 days on holiday. That's a different thing altogether.

Bex's children don't know their father's parents - not really. They don't see HIM all that much! And he obviously shows a preference towards the eldest which the youngest one will pick up.

I don't know their history, but the safety and emotional issues would bother me. Immensely. And I'm sure I read somewhere that the father's visits should be supervised...........................if I read that correctly what the hell is she doing allowing him to take them out the country?

Strawbs

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offlineguveclover #7





Hi Tracy

I agree it's totally different if you are the one who's going away and leaving them in a safe and familiar enviroment with people who you can trust 100% to look after them just as well as you would. When it's your own parents you don't have any worries on that score. The chances are Tracy, in a situation like yours, your son will look forward to staying with his granparents because (if your parents are anything like my mum and your son is anything like my son) he probably knows they'll spoil him rotten! He sees them all the time tool so they're like a second set of parents to him. My son would go to my mum for 2 weeks without any question and I'd have no concerns about her having him although I would miss him. Not being funny but 10 days will probably fly by for your son having the time of his life getting away with murder with his gradparents (I know my son does when he's with my mum!!)

But these children are being taken away from everything that's familiar to them - the smaller one is 15 months old ad has never left her mother at all by the sound of it.

Leaving a 7, 8, 9 year old or older child at home with their grandparents while you go for a short holiday is a totally different thing in my book to sending a baby or toddler thousands of miles away to places they've never been and to people they hardly know - even if they are their relatives - for months on end.

Judith



offlinetraceys16973 #8




hi judith

yeah,he hasnt batted an eyelid about me goin,cheeky little sod just asked if he can go tonight,i told him im goin away tomoro,he was image ohhhh ok mum!!!image

kids eh!

tracy.x

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offlinelady mizmiz mmmmmmmmm ex husband #9 [url] [-]



i wouldnt trust him. what if doesnt bring them back what will she do then i dont have any expirience in this field but i wouldnt let them go alone with hm.image

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offlineAdryath #10





There is no way on earth I would let an ex-husband take my children out of the country! I would be terrified that he wouldn't bring them back. To be honest I wouldn't even be happy with my husband taking my girls to his family without me, not that I think he would steal them but I just think they would miss me too much and I would miss them, my girls are always with me and I couldn't imagine being apaprt from them even for a week at the moment.

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Glitzy.turkishlove #11

Posts: 197
Monday
I really feel for the little one - she's never met these people even though they are her rellys. She's far too small to be without her mother. And no, I wouldn't trust an ex of that ilk either.


debs24

Posts: 27
Monday
.....To have such an unconditional trust in someone is way out of my own comfort zone............ and to have this with an Ex,

No matter how good the Ex was with the kids and how they loved being with him etc etc.........They are far too young to go, yes they are integrating with their extended family but really how many of us can remember going on Holiday or trips etc when we were only a couple of yrs old........... I certainly can't remember my Holidays to my Grans caravan when I was 5/6 yrs old, I only know I went because I've seen the photo's

............I just could not let them go 3 months is far too long, I would miss them far too much. I just could not stop myself worrying that they were OK without me............maybe that's being selfish, because the kids then miss out, but as a parent until they are old enough to make their own decisions then I make them for them and sometimes this isn't what they may want, but hey what the hell they'll have to get over it......

Christ my son lives with his g/f he's 25............ I'm off on my Hols tomorrow and I will still worry a little that he'll be Ok because I'm not at hand......


boncuk.turkishlove #13

Posts: 61
Monday,
Agree with everything.

My eldest is 13 (almost 14) and I can't relax until she is at home. She goes to the odd concert (with friends and their parents!), or to school concerts and she babysits a couple of doors down occasionally. I don't sleep until she is home; then I can relax. My children don't actually like being away from me or their home. They have occasional sleepovers and camp but they actually prefer not to. My 9 year old has decided that she doesn't want to go to brownie camps any more as she prefers to be home. The 8 year old will NOT do sleepovers at all - his choice - even at the neighbour's (whose child is the same age). He simply does not want to be away from me.

I would love 'ME' time - with 4 children and no help from hubby - I get really desperate. But I have a duty of care to my children, pure and simple.

(I will actually get my 'me time' in July - I am taking 3 months leave from my job and staying home - I am going to renovate!)


LoveSick.turkishlove #14

Posts: 11
Monday,
Love how you have posted this on a public forum as opposed to the Turkish Love forum. That really shows how brave you all are


guveclover.turkishlove #15

Posts: 419
Monday,
What's that supposed to mean LoveSick?

If you go and look, you'll see I've said my piece there as well as here.


bex680.turkishlove #16

Posts: 2
Monday,
Hi strawberry.
If you felt you had an opinion on the matter you could have replyed to my post where it was originally posted.
My post was about milk not for peoples opinion on weather im right or wrong.
Yes my ex did originally only want to take my older child that is because his mum has been ill.Yes he is on probation but that doesnt make him a moron and incapable of looking after his children.No his visits do not have to be supervised.
My children have and will be in safe hands.They will be well looked after and it isnt me being selfish and just wanting some me time.As lots have insinuated.

My children will return and i dont need to worry about my ex not returning them.It amazes me that so many people jump on the whole child abduction thing.What happened to trust.My ex is by no means a saint but i have trust in him when it comes to this.We might have not been able to make a marriage work but why should our children suffer.
They wont be left to roam the streets out there.His parents arnt morons and know how to care for their grandchildren.

If id have said i was leaving them with english parent or grandparents whilst travelling away myself.No one would have reacted in such a way.My children desrve to have a relationship with their grandparents and their baba.Something i intend to make sure of.


bex680.turkishlove #17

Posts: 2
Monday,
My daughters are going for 2 weeks not 3 months.And my youngest has seen her grandparents before.They spent 4 mths living here with me.And they speak to her every day on cam.


LoveSick.turkishlove #18 [

Posts: 11
guveclover wrote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's that supposed to mean LoveSick?

If you go and look, you'll see I've said my piece there as well as here.
It means, why has Strawberry felt the need to start up her own thread on here, rather than on Turkish Love? Correct me if I'm wrong but this is really none of her business. Bex wasn't asking for parenting advice, she was after advice on powdered milk!



strawberryxxx #19

Posts: 2895
Monday,
LoveSick wrote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love how you have posted this on a public forum as opposed to the Turkish Love forum. That really shows how brave you all are

Hi Lovesick,

I haven't replied to you on Turkish Luuurve because I am no longer a member there. I was banned. Their loss - not mine!

Back to you you mad old fruitbat. Do you think I'm scared of you, hmmm??? Do you??!! You're even more deluded than I thought!

You're just an insignificant little fruitbat making up stories. It would be pitiful - if you weren't so unlikeable. You're very thick too - do you seriously think a normal, intelligent person would believe all the crap you write??? You obviously suffer from delusions, and when you do eventually land on this planet (even if it's just for a while) perhaps you could explain to us why you feel the need to make up such ridiculous stories?

Maybe you're just lonely and bored; maybe you're disadvantaged in some way and you want to fantasise a little? Whatever it is you're doing it for a reason.

I think you're the same old fruitbat who claimed to be abducted by her partner and sent to live with his parents - writing style is almost identical.

Anyway, whoever you are - read the following carefully and repeat it to yourself so that it sinks in.

I am just a fruitbat. I'm quite harmless, but nonetheless I'm batty. I do not fool people with my tall tales and I make myself look dotty by making up stories. I thought people would believe my tales but I was wrong. Unlike myself, who has the IQ of a split pea, people can see that I'm batty and I realise that now. I apologise for behaving like a pratt and wasting everyone's time - and I am now going to book an appointment with my GP so that he can refer me for treatment

Good luck for the future!

Strawberry
















'





Posts: 467
Monday
Bex it was you who said you were "sticking to your guns and were going to have some me time" Its not what people are insinuating its what you said yourself. And you said he might take both children "depending on his mood" not because the mother was ill. You also said you think its best he just takes them and copes himself, and if he just doesnt want to he doesnt have to. I think thats whats shocked people. I have to say Im amazed you can just let your kids go off to another part of the world when this is the attitude of the man whos taking them, lets just hope hes in the mood to cope when hes alone with them on the journey to Turkey! Nobody is judging your parenting skills but you said you have trust in this man, yet you dont even know hes going to be a full on parent when hes got them in Turkey. Good for you if youre comfortable with it theyre your kids but people will have an opinion as you have already seen.