Turkish Chatter

Discussion group for all women with Turkish men in their lives


    New ... here is my story

    Share
    avatar
    curlyboop

    Posts : 97
    Points : 117
    Reputation : 6
    Join date : 2011-10-29

    New ... here is my story

    Post  curlyboop on Sat Oct 29, 2011 10:19 pm

    A few years ago, I met a Turkish guy online who was in the US on a temporary visa. We met a few months before he had to back to his country so I held back from him emotionally. We only dated a weeks before one day he stopped returning me calls. It hurt and I tried a few times to figure out what happened but he never responded.

    A few months after he went back he friend requested me on Facebook. I kept it light as I didn’t want to get hurt. Sloiwly he started to regain my trust. We spent hours together online.

    One day there was this horrible batch of posts on his FB page from two women who said they were played by him and who warned others not to be fooled by his lies. He brushed it off, saying they were crazy and I of course didn’t want to believe it.

    We continued to get closer. I kept wanting to go visit him but he kept saying the timing wasn’t good. One day he told me he loved me. I was over the moon as I loved him too. This September I finally went to see him and spent two weeks with him.

    I had a magical time with him. He was so romantic and attentive. We both cried out eyes out on the airport (he also cried after sex a few times). I truly felt like he was the man for me. I missed him like crazy but felt we could find a way to be together.
    So, about a week after my vacation I’m on Twitter and it suggests people to follow. Imagine my surpise when I saw a woman’s profile photo – it was of the two of them. She posted about 30 pictures all together of the two of them. From her Tweets I learned she flew in from her country and spent a week with him. She left the day I flew in.

    She also has a public blog where she posts pictures and talks about him and how he is her “prince charming.” She writes about watching him cook, eat, sleep and iron on Skype.

    I lost it and sent him a dozen emails asking what was going on. I was really hurt, angry and upset. I told him I was disgusted he had sex with her hours before he slept with me. He didn’t contact me for three days. When he did, he denied anything happened with her. He said she was there on business and he had to watch out for her. It wasn’t his fault she had feelings for him and he said he’s going to kick her ass for making it seem like they were together.

    He also turned it around on me and said I should have trusted him and ignored what this girl wrote. He didn’t even acknowledge why I was upset – it was all about poor attacked him. He then blocked me on FB.

    I’m ashamed to say that I also emailed her and let her know. I haven’t heard back from her and I doubt I will. I can only imagine what he is telling her about me because on her FB page (it’s open) she calls me an “annoying fan” of his and she “wants to kill me with her words.” He obviously didn't tell her off or she apologized enough because she is still building online shrines to him.

    Of course I feel like the biggest idiot on earth for ignoring the red flags. I must say his response to me had me question my sanity. I mean … he CRIED after sex and at the airport when I was leaving. I don't get it ...
    avatar
    curlyboop

    Posts : 97
    Points : 117
    Reputation : 6
    Join date : 2011-10-29

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  curlyboop on Sat Oct 29, 2011 11:16 pm

    I just wanted to add that right now, I just want to be able to get through one day without crying ...
    avatar
    hayleyvemehmet

    Posts : 246
    Points : 318
    Reputation : 18
    Join date : 2011-06-02
    Age : 50

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  hayleyvemehmet on Sun Oct 30, 2011 9:25 am

    hi curlyboop Smile well your story is sad but in a way at least you can get out before you get anymore involved.best way to look at it is that you had a nice holiday and thats where it should end.he seems to be playing a few of you and if the other women believe him then let them.there are more fish in the sea to choose from and i hope you will be able to once you move on.x
    avatar
    ruby

    Posts : 1164
    Points : 1651
    Reputation : 98
    Join date : 2011-07-17
    Age : 103

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  ruby on Sun Oct 30, 2011 9:44 am

    Hello Curlyboop

    Hayley is so right in what she says. You need to take care of yourself now as this guy is a player. He has enticed you to visit him in Turkey along with numerous other women who are being taken advantage of. Dont become a victim.

    You say you had a magical holiday, well thats great, but leave it as that, remember it as being a magical time in your life if only for a couple of weeks. This guy has manipulated you, put on the water works to make you feel protective towards him. He has made you feel weak and vulnerable. Believe me, he is a fake low life tosser who uses women to his own advantage.

    You are worth so much more than this loser. Mix with crap and eventually they bring you down to their level.

    If there was one thing in my life that I could eliminate, it would be Facebook. The amount of murders, rapes, child porn and grooming that goes on under the umberella of Facebook you would never believe.

    You take care of yourself, try to keep yourself busy and trust me, you have had one very lucky escape from this lowlife scumbag.

    Ruby
    avatar
    curlyboop

    Posts : 97
    Points : 117
    Reputation : 6
    Join date : 2011-10-29

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  curlyboop on Mon Oct 31, 2011 12:24 am

    Thank you so much for your words. I feel ashamed and I can't tell the people in my life what happened to me. I'm a little bit lonely so being able to post on places like this helps me work through the pain. It's hard to understand how someone could be so deceitful.
    avatar
    Maria

    Posts : 607
    Points : 669
    Reputation : 20
    Join date : 2011-06-16

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  Maria on Mon Oct 31, 2011 1:11 am

    Im sorry to hear what happened to you Curly, you can post on here all you like we will support you as much as we can I love you

    Maria
    avatar
    curlyboop

    Posts : 97
    Points : 117
    Reputation : 6
    Join date : 2011-10-29

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  curlyboop on Mon Oct 31, 2011 1:16 am

    Thank you, Maria! I know he didn't "kick her ass" like he said he was because the other woman is still building shrines to him. She did change the privacy settings on some of them. I guess he convinced her to do that - I guess to keep all the jealous women away. Funny when you think about it.

    But you know, even if she didn't believe me, the truth is still the truth. He knows what it is, and I know what it is.

    Admin
    Admin

    Posts : 1570
    Points : 2722
    Reputation : 695
    Join date : 2011-04-24

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  Admin on Mon Oct 31, 2011 11:50 am

    Hi Curlyboop,

    Welcome to the site....

    I would have replied sooner but I haven't really had the chance to.

    Going by everything you've said about this man he sounds like a user, and he lies too. I would say the only person he cares about is himself.

    I'm sure you were confused when he gave you all the soft-soap and put the waterworks on at the airport, but that was clearly an act, so I expect he's very experienced at playing these games with women. Quite why he cries after sex I can't really say; it could be guilt; it could be release of frustration; or it could be some other emotion going on. I have heard of people crying with ecstacy, but in his case - and with the way he's treated you - I doubt very much that he cried due to that. I'd stick my neck out and say he felt guilty about something.

    I'm not too sure how long you actually spent together. I'm assuming it was a few weeks' in the US and a fortnight in Turkey, plus your contact online? You say that you are lonely - which is sad - and it would be nice if we could think up some ways to rectify that, but I'm wondering if that's the main reason you put so much of yourself into this relationship with this man? I'm not being nasty or cruel, but if you have a full life you tend to take relationships much more slowly and let them grow naturally. When you're lonely it is very tempting to become all-consumed by this 'romantic man' who makes you feel special, excited and happy - and makes you feel half of a couple - albeit that you're miles apart.

    I truly believe that many of these feelings of love you feel come from within ; effectively you have fallen in love with someone who lives inside your head. Yes, I know this man exists, and you have dated, made love and kept in contact through the Internet - but the most part of the relationship has flourished through your own thoughts and dreams about him. I bet when you weren't even speaking to him online he was in your thoughts constantly, and I dare say you day-dreamed about him - so he has become a much more bigger part of your life - even though he hasn't been around.

    This is probably why you took his cheating and cutting you out (blocking you from his Facebook etc) so very hard. He was to you the man of your dreams, so of course you're going to feel dreadful - you can no longer slip into that daydream of how wonderful your future is going to be with him. He has treated you very shabbily, and he's no doubt using the other woman, too. She'll one day go through the pain you're going through now. Maybe more so - she sounds totally obsessed. But he won't care - and he won't be around to pick up the pieces. He'll be gone!

    He sounds a cruel and manipulative man, and I expect he picked up on your loneliness, and that's one of the reasons he targetted you. Men who want to play with women or use them for visas/marriage/sex/money etc always go after those who are vulnerable or gullible in some way. He must have a very cold streak running through him to be able to hatch such a plan - cos that's what men like him do - they plan before they've even met the woman. They have their plan all in place, and then they hunt out a woman on the Internet.

    What you need to do now is to try and step back and look at the whole thing from a different perspective. Ask yourself why you fell for him so quickly and so hard. I get the impression you think he's like some gorgeous god (the other woman certainly does!) but it's very easy to idealise someone who makes you feel good (in the way he did at the beginning) When you idealise someone you overlook all their faults - and it sounds like he has many! You should think about those faults of his. You should tell yourself how very small he is, and what a little creep he is, and how low he is to treat a woman in such a disgraceful mean fashion. He sounds a coward, too. Fancy blocking you from his Facebook! Or should I say Fakebook......

    Little cowards like him who haven't got the guts, decency or backbone to face up to what they've done; to apologise and explain why they behaved as they did are to be pitied, really. Because he must (deep down inside) feel like a little, worthless shit - however much he tries to justify to himself that he hasn't really hurt anyone. He knows...and somehow - in some way - the knowledge he is a nasty little cowardly runt will make him feel shitty one day.

    But you don't really need to dwell on that. You should be concentrating on YOU and your future. You say you're lonely - why are you lonely? What's your situation? Do you have no close family or friends around you? Without knowing your situation it's hard to suggest things, but if you can get out and meet people - widen your social network - that will be a start to rebuilding your life and learning to live again. Or maybe you're lonely for other reasons? But I do think if you could tackle your loneliness this man would fade from your life without you barely noticing.

    If you tell us some more about your situation I'm we can come up with some suggestions. Oh, and you're always welcome to sound off on here. Any time at all!

    Take care, and think about the advice you've been given..... Wink

    Strawbs
    avatar
    curlyboop

    Posts : 97
    Points : 117
    Reputation : 6
    Join date : 2011-10-29

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  curlyboop on Mon Oct 31, 2011 7:46 pm

    Thank you so much for your replies and the warm welcome. It is helping!

    Strawbs ... thank you for your insight. I should say I am a VERY lucky person - good friends and family, a job I love. I am feeling lonely because I am too ashamed to tell them what happened. I feel like I've built a wall around myself.

    I haven't had much luck in the romance department. My pattern is: meet a guy, he comes on really strong, I start to get interested and he bolts. I suppose in some ways because this guy stuck around so long that I thought it was going to be different. I ignored the red flags because I wanted it to work so much. I was tired of being the single woman who can't keep a man. I think part of what hurt so much is that after vacation I was ready to tell my family about him - I am always hesitant to do so because of my track record. I put his photo on my desk.

    I did recognize his faults - he had many but I chose to overlook them. And not to sound arrogant, I was the better looking of the two of us. I was trying to change my ways - I had always been shallow. I wasn't really attracted to him at first. I grew into it.

    It's hard to understand what satisfaction he could get from hurting people so much. It's infuriating that he has a reserve of women he can mess with. I know he will get his some day but a part of me wants to be around to watch.




    Admin
    Admin

    Posts : 1570
    Points : 2722
    Reputation : 695
    Join date : 2011-04-24

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  Admin on Tue Nov 01, 2011 7:16 pm

    Hi Curlyboop,

    Why do you feel ashamed? You haven't done anything wrong. I can understand you feeling embarrassed, perhaps, that you fell for this man's lies, but that's nothing to be ashamed of. I can't quite equate this with feeling lonely, though? To be honest, you would do yourself a favour by telling your closest friends what happened, and they must be wondering what happened, anyway? Surely you told them about him when you started dating him? And they must have known you went over to Turkey to see him?

    Telling them that he's turned out to be a rat is no reflection on you. Yes, there are some people who would say you should have read the signs, but what they think about the situation is not really important - and that isn't the issue, anyway. The issue is that you feel lonely and hurt and you need support.

    You've more or less said the main reason you wanted this relationship to work is because all your previous ones ended pretty quickly. Settling for someone simply because they're sticking around is no basis for a relationship. What you need to do is go over your past relationships and try to discover why all the men bolted when you got interested. When you say they came on strong to you - do you mean in a sexual way? If that's the case you need to ask yourself what sort of signals you're sending out. I'm sure you're not sending out the wrong signals deliberately, but if you are under-confident you could be compensating for that by subconsciously sending out "I'm available" signals - and men very quickly pick up on those. I'm not suggesting you're needy or desperate, but if all these men bolt there has to be a problem somewhere.

    I've just realised that you didn't tell your family about this Turkish man - so you obviously weren't sure of him. But is it so important to hide things from your family and friends? So what if the relatinship falls at the first hurdle, or 10th hurdle? Relationships fail for all variety of reasons, and I think you've got to stop worrying so much about what other people think. Can I ask how old you are? I know some women start panicking if they haven't settled down or married by a certain age, but the problem you have there is it leaves you open to making hasty judgments, which often turn out to be bad choices. And you don't want to marry someone just so you're not 'left on the shelf' so to speak. Which is why I'm wondering how old you are?

    Strawbs
    avatar
    Turkishheartdrop

    Posts : 1065
    Points : 1157
    Reputation : 29
    Join date : 2011-06-06
    Age : 40
    Location : Huddersfield

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  Turkishheartdrop on Tue Nov 01, 2011 7:58 pm

    Curly sorry but hes a typical rat.....all the signs are there in bold.....and your wearing your heart on your sleeve and your too desparate to be loved...just relax and wait for mr right to come along....
    avatar
    ruby

    Posts : 1164
    Points : 1651
    Reputation : 98
    Join date : 2011-07-17
    Age : 103

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  ruby on Tue Nov 01, 2011 9:25 pm

    Hello Curleyboop

    I hope the messages on this thread bring you some comfort and resolution into your life. Take the time to reflect on how awful this rat has treated you and turn the negative into a positive and be glad that you are rid of him.

    Prior to entering into another 'Titanic relationship', step back and start to love yourself for who you are, get to understand your own inner self first, only when you have built up your own confidence and feel secure and happy from within are you ready to make the step of forming a mutually loving relationship. Often people confuse sex with love, sex is sex, true love comes from deep within you. Anyone can have great sex, its like using a Kleenex and then disposing of it after, it has no meaning, but true love will continue to grow and if someone truly loves you, then they will not treat you like a Kleenex.

    Hope you are soon on the road to recovery.

    Ruby
    avatar
    davina

    Posts : 31
    Points : 32
    Reputation : 1
    Join date : 2011-09-18

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  davina on Tue Nov 01, 2011 10:27 pm

    Curly I can sympathise with what you're going through. I know how these men work mine did the same to me. He picked me up and raised me up on a pedestal and then sent me crashing to the ground like a see saw. Up and down all the time until I felt like I was losing my mind. He swears and promises he will change and denies having other women but he does I have the proof I have seen the evidence in his emails and like your man he blames me and tells me it's my fault or I'm imaging things that aren't really there or that I'm the one who changed. I just can't win and I realise these men are toxic and destroy you they chip away at your confidence until they control you totally. I'm out of it now but still have strings that need to be cut. I love him and this is the problem it would be so easy to walk away if only I could but I know he's somewhere there and he snaps his fingers and I feel myself going back to him. I am trying to wean myself off him but god it's hard and it hurts. I hope you find peace and happiness and get over him he will only chip away at you and destroy you. x
    avatar
    curlyboop

    Posts : 97
    Points : 117
    Reputation : 6
    Join date : 2011-10-29

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  curlyboop on Wed Nov 02, 2011 7:06 am

    Thanks to everyone for their insight.

    I did tell me friends about him but because there were some things that could have been seen as "issues" with my family - he is a different religion than I am - so I didn't want to bring him up until I was sure. I really moved at a snail's pace with him. I think before men would tell me they didn't want a relationhip but then act like they did so I forgot about their words. This is why they never lasted. But with him, he always said he wanted one. I'm 41, btw.

    I feel lonely because I haven't told people about it and it is such a big part of me now. It's hard to look happy when I'm sad inside.

    It never was about sex for me.The time I remember most with him is when I took care of him when he was sick. He kept telling me that I was going to catch what he had but I didn't care. I remember holding him in my arms while he slept and kissing his head. I remember feeling him shake and how I felt when his fever broke. I thought - love kept me healthy. Love is more powerful than the flu. I also remember going shopping in the Grand Bazaar and coming back with small gifts for him - a scarf to keep him warm and a print of Maiden's Tower, because we saw it our first day together and he told me the story of it. I felt a total and complete connection with him and this was just a blow. IThis is why it hurts so much.

    Admin
    Admin

    Posts : 1570
    Points : 2722
    Reputation : 695
    Join date : 2011-04-24

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  Admin on Wed Nov 02, 2011 8:20 pm

    Hi Curlyboop,

    From what you're saying it sounds as though you feel obliged to act according to your family's wishes. Is that correct? I know none of us want to upset our family by doing something they wouldn't approve of, but you are a grown woman of 41-years-old. You're not a kid anymore. I feel you lack confidence in many ways, and that's why you're nervous about taking certain actions which could upset other people. It's like you put everyone else first - that's the impression I get. You seem so timid, and you're living your life according to other people's ideals.

    You need to put yourself first : after all, it is YOUR life. I bet you have quite a bit of pent-up frustration inside of you, and I feel that you come across as almost scared to say what you really feel. You keep putting everyone else first, and your lack of confidence really shines through - even in these few posts of yours.

    A part of you obviously wants to be loved and have a successful, happy marriage/partnership, but I'm wondering if you have an ideal in your head that no man could ever live up to? It's quite unusual for someone of 41 never to have had a long-term relationship. Before you met this Turkish man what was the longest relatinship you had? I'm wondering if part of you is actually scared of commitment? Maybe that's why you've chosen such an unsuitable man (different background, culture - living in a different country) because subconsciously you know it's unlikely to go anywhere.

    Perhaps part of your deep upset at this time is not so much the fact he's a rat, but that you're having to face up to the realisation that the man of your dreams does not exist in the real world?

    Don't get me wrong, the way this Turkish man treated you was dreadful, but it's your reaction to his behaviour and the effect it's had upon you that throws the spotlight more on what's going on inside yout head, rather than his. Of course it's upsetting what he's done to you, but considering the relatively short time you spent together, your reaction to the break-up and deceit is dispropotionate...it would be natural to feel hurt, disappointed, angry etc - but your pain and loneliness you're experiencing - including the 'crying all day' seems to be a reaction to some other hurt buried deep inside of you. His bad treatment of you has opened up old wounds.

    Strawbs
    avatar
    Pollypecker

    Posts : 293
    Points : 316
    Reputation : 4
    Join date : 2011-06-20

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  Pollypecker on Wed Nov 02, 2011 9:50 pm

    Curly Strawbs has given you some good advice there, I hope you think it through and feel heaps better soson Smile

    Pol
    avatar
    curlyboop

    Posts : 97
    Points : 117
    Reputation : 6
    Join date : 2011-10-29

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  curlyboop on Thu Nov 03, 2011 7:32 pm

    I appreciate all the time people took to respond - I really do - but quite honestly, a picture is being painted of me that is a bit unfair. I don't know what my mental state or dating history have to do with ANYTHING. His behavior had nothing to do with him being Turkish - people are deceived in the good ole US of A. I wasn't a lonely woman who went on vacation in Turkey and hooked up with a waiter 25 years my junior. He is a GROWN man. He has a good job and isn't looking for a green card. He never asked me for money. We met here in the United States while he was on a visa. I don't think being sad for two weeks after finding out you were deceived by someone you knew for three years is excessive.

    I'm not looking to name and shame him. I was just looking for some support and some help in figuring out what happened. I've met some kindered spirits on other boards and it is making me feel better.
    avatar
    Turkishheartdrop

    Posts : 1065
    Points : 1157
    Reputation : 29
    Join date : 2011-06-06
    Age : 40
    Location : Huddersfield

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  Turkishheartdrop on Thu Nov 03, 2011 8:05 pm

    Why you so touchy suddenly?.....you said you was lonely and was given advice...your a 41 yr old woman...never had a long term man before so we do have a point...how old is this bloke you met?....
    avatar
    curlyboop

    Posts : 97
    Points : 117
    Reputation : 6
    Join date : 2011-10-29

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  curlyboop on Thu Nov 03, 2011 8:19 pm

    I don't think I'm being overly sensitive. I just think that I am being painted in a way that is unfair. As I said, I feel lonely - I'm not lonely. I have friends, family, a great job ... I also never said I never had a long term relationship. I was just trying to provide some context as to why I overlooked the red flags. He and I had a normal relationship when he was in the states. I'm just trying to come to grips with how someone who acted the way he did and treated me the way he did could be so deceitful.

    The man in question is 36.

    Admin
    Admin

    Posts : 1570
    Points : 2722
    Reputation : 695
    Join date : 2011-04-24

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  Admin on Thu Nov 03, 2011 10:00 pm

    Hi Curly,

    To be fair you did come on here to ask our opinions, and I have already said I feel you are over-sensitive; and your latest response seems to confirm that. You sound slightly annoyed, actually, and if mine or anyone else's opinions are wrong, then you should be able to correct us without feeling upset.

    You said (still say) that you feel lonely, but you have friends, a great job, family etc - but I wonder if you're repeating that statement to try and convince yourself that you have a better social life than you actually do? I'm not convinced it's as full as you believe it is. But I could be wrong! However, people with full lives rarely become all-consumed with someone who is not much more than an acquaintance - and one who lives abroad at that! You're also now saying that you never said you'd never had a long term relationship, but earlier in the thread you wrote:



    "I haven't had much luck in the romance department. My pattern is: meet a guy, he comes on really strong, I start to get interested and he bolts. I suppose in some ways because this guy stuck around so long that I thought it was going to be different. I ignored the red flags because I wanted it to work so much. I was tired of being the single woman who can't keep a man. I think part of what hurt so much is that after vacation I was ready to tell my family about him - I am always hesitant to do so because of my track record. I put his photo on my desk.

    I did recognize his faults - he had many but I chose to overlook them.
    "


    And then this one:



    " I think before men would tell me they didn't want a relationhip but then act like they did so I forgot about their words. This is why they never lasted. But with him, he always said he wanted one. I'm 41, btw."




    I can't see anything in the above quotes of yours that mentions a previous long term relationship? Indeed, you complain about the fact you've had problems holding on to a man. So going by what you wrote there I felt you should focus more on what's going inside of you, rather than what's going on inside this Turkish man's head.

    You say how lonely you feel, and you're clearly angry with this man - which is why you say you'd like to be around to watch when (or if) he gets his comeuppance. I can understand some people feeling revengeful when they've been terribly hurt by someone; and yes, he has treated you badly. But in all honesty he hasn't done anything evil! He's had other women on the go, but from your account of your relationship with him it doesn't sound like he gave you any signals or signs that he was serious about you. Ok, he said he wanted a relationship - but his actions said otherwise didn't they? And come on - you didn't seriously think that for a full 3 years bar the 5 weeks' he spent with you - that he wasn't seeing other women?! If you believed that you must be incredibly naive!

    In total you've only spent 5 weeks' together. And that's having met him 3 years ago. Had he been really keen on you he'd have seen you for more than just 5 weeks' out of 3 years. You also met online, and when a foreign man, who knows he'll be returning to his home country soon (or a man who can't even visit you cos he's stuck in Turkey with no visa to travel) when a man like that makes contact with a woman online you need to ask yourself what they're after. If the man is in Turkey and makes contact with you in the US or the UK - he wants a visa. Full stop. When a man already in the US or UK searches online for a local woman - when he knows he's returning to Turkey - he's either after sex, or someone to eventually marry so that he can stay in that country. Think about it, Curly, why else would a man search for a local woman?

    Except for those 5 weeks you spent together you've conducted this relationship all online. And despite the fact you only saw him for just a few weeks' while he was in the US - and he then IGNORED you - stopped taking your calls - and returned to Turkey without even a goodbye - I'm amazed you accepted his friend request on Facebook. I wouldn't have. He sounds like an ignorant pig, and he certainly didn't show much interest, either!

    You then had all the crap from other women on Facebook saying he was a rat - he blamed YOU - and to add insult to injury he eventually blocked you from his Facebook!

    In between that, you were dead set on going over to visit him in Turkey - even though he kept coming up with excuses for you not to go - and you've actually admitted how you ignored all the red flags.

    To summarise, you've spent a total of 5 weeks' with him in 3 years - he's treated you poorly, has shown no enthusiasm in seeing you - and you've put up with that treatment all that time. You're now crying every day...and you wonder why I suggest you need to examine your own head. As you say, you're not a kid - which makes it even more baffling why you put up with such a strange relationship - most of it online. You're knocking women who meet men on holiday 25 years younger than themselves - but this relationship of yours with this man is equally ludicrous.

    I'm staggered that a woman of your age (who could be a grandmother) seems to lack any emotional maturity. You're going around in tears, crying every day, feeling lonely - all over a man you've spent just 5 weeks' with in 3 years. You've put all your hopes and dreams into this man - and that's the reason I suggest you examine your own issues and forget about this man who - besides being a rat - is really not at all interested in you.

    That may sound harsh, but the answer to your problems is within you. You're focusing all on him and his behaviour - whilst forgetting the most important issue of all : why did you put up with such crap?

    Strawberry
    avatar
    Maria

    Posts : 607
    Points : 669
    Reputation : 20
    Join date : 2011-06-16

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  Maria on Thu Nov 03, 2011 10:29 pm

    I'm sorry you dont feel were supporting you and I know sometimes its hard to face the truth when it hurts but Strawbs has a point and is trying to help you I love you I think as well you should ask yourself why youve been with this man for 3 years and only seen hm for 5 weeks Sad it doesnt sound like a good omen and now hes chucked you off fb you shud keep your pride and ignore him if comes back again, hes a player and user and you dont haave time to waste on toerags like him. Mad take care hun

    Maria
    avatar
    curlyboop

    Posts : 97
    Points : 117
    Reputation : 6
    Join date : 2011-10-29

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  curlyboop on Thu Nov 03, 2011 10:39 pm

    I know that you are trying to help me. I really do. And I know I was stupid and made bad decisions. And yes at my age I should no better. But I took someone at his word ... sometimes in life you have to believe and take chances. I'm beating myself up enough already, trust me.

    It was never about sex and I certainly didn't expect him to be virginal when I'm thousands of miles away. That is unrealistic. It was more that he was telling another woman the same things he told me. He said he loved me and wanted to be with me. Also, when I found this woman's shrines to him online, he denied the whole thing. If he was totally within his right to feel this way, then he should have manned up to it.

    I'm sorry if I snapped. I'm just trying to move on and get over the hurt and anger.
    avatar
    davina

    Posts : 31
    Points : 32
    Reputation : 1
    Join date : 2011-09-18

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  davina on Fri Nov 04, 2011 1:56 am

    Curly hun I know how you're feeling I'm going through the same pain myself but I'm realising these men just want to manipulate and turn you into their toy doll and then sling you on the ground when they get bored or angry. You have to take one day at a time and try to understand that feelings don't turn off like a tap. You loved this man for 3 years and the feeling is etched in your heart now just like mine is. I some days want to scream and kick and shout and ask why I had to meet this crazy man whose messed with my heart and head and reduced me to this. He chipped away at my heart and stole it and what do I have now-just pain and hurt. I know what you are feeling and if you want to pm me hun I am happy to talk to you in private or on msn. x
    avatar
    ruby

    Posts : 1164
    Points : 1651
    Reputation : 98
    Join date : 2011-07-17
    Age : 103

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  ruby on Fri Nov 04, 2011 7:06 am

    Hi Curlyboop

    I completely understand that you are feeling very sad, lonely and abandoned at the present time, especially as this man has rejected you in every sense of the word.

    I do however believe that although YOU believe that the relationship lasted for three years, in actual fact you only spent a very short window of that period of time together. You therefore fell in love with an illusion, somone that was for most of the time a person you imagined him to be and this is who you fell in love with, you built up a picture in your head of this ideal man who was going to be your 'knight in shining armour'. In reality, this was not to be the case. You hardly know this man really and the image you had created and constructed in your mind has been shattered. Curly, you actually conjured up in your mind a man of your dreams and in reality he does not exist.

    You say in post 17 and I quote 'I've met some kindered spirits on other boards and it is making me feel better.' This is because you still want to believe in this guy and be reassured by some misguided people. Before you enter into another false sense of security by listening to these 'kindered spirits', you need to ask yourself do I want to hear the truth as had been posted on this thread, or do you want to become an ostrich and stick my head in the sands? Only you can answer this question. We can support you, but I have the feeling that you dont want to listen to the truth. Maybe you are still in denial and prefer to remain with your horseglasses firmly fixed onto your head.

    What I have wrote may sound harsh, but it is written with all good intention.

    Ruby
    avatar
    curlyboop

    Posts : 97
    Points : 117
    Reputation : 6
    Join date : 2011-10-29

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  curlyboop on Fri Nov 04, 2011 7:28 am

    Hi Ruby,

    The women on the other boards had situations (long distance, etc) similar to mine. I just don't want to believe I am the only fool who could have fallen for something like this. The reason I went to Turkey in the first place was because I was tired of trying to get to know him long distance. I wanted to either move on or see if we were on the same page and were both committed to making an effort. We discussed this and he told and showed me he felt the same way I did. This is why it hurts. It's only been a week and a half.

    This door is firmly shut - I could never trust him again and there can't be anything without trust. I actually have finally confided in a few close friends and they would kill me if I even entertained the thought of speaking with him. It's just hard to turn things off like a switch.

    And I say this with all sincerity ... I never thought he was perfect. I suppose part of the reason I found what I did was because I had a gut feeling.

    Sponsored content

    Re: New ... here is my story

    Post  Sponsored content


      Current date/time is Sun Aug 20, 2017 7:34 am